....or a conversation about my current halloween costume woes.
"So what are you guys doing for halloween?"
"I don't know and I'm not going to know until my daughter's made a decision."
"Well, what is she dressing as?"
"I don't know and I'm not going to know until she makes a decision."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I've been the halloween store twice, I've been to Target twice, and we still might have to go back at the eleventh hour just to appease a three year old."
"You can't be serious?"
"Let me tell you the whole story just so I can prove to you how serious I am. The whole month I've spent convincing my daughter she was going to be Merida for halloween and I almost had her convinced, to the point that I bought a bear costume because I was going to be the mother bear to her Merida. Then I got the bear costume."
"And?"
"And she saw it and decided she was going to be a bear for Halloween. No manner of me convincing her otherwise was going to change that. So I decided I'd go the Halloween store and try to find a bear costume and we'd both go as bears. But I made the mistake of taking her to Halloween store, and that's where the whole story really goes wrong."
"How?"
"Well, for it started with her reaction to the store in general. She lit up like Christmas lights and yelled like only a three-year-old in a Halloween store can yell 'Look at all the dress up clothes!' Thus began a thirty-minute crisis of indecision that apparently only a three-year-old can have. She made so many snap decisions I thought her head was going to spin off like the little girl in the exorcist. It kept rocketing back and forth from Elsa to Anna to Tangled to Merida that I couldn't keep up with flights of fancy. I finally convinced her that it should be Merida, because we already had the dress and that's what I wanted her to be all along. I even bought the slippers, the crown and the gloves to complete the look that didn't need to be completed, but if it got us out of the store I was all for it."
"So why is it still a question?"
"Well the next day happened and instead of Merida she decided she was going to be Cinderella and she would not be deterred. So then we went back to the store, found the Cinderella dress but then the whole head turning happened again and then she decided she wanted to be the girl from Tangled. So we bought that outfit."
"So a decision's been made."
"No, now we're just getting to the good part. This morning she wakes up and says she's going to be cinderella, again, even though we didn't buy the dress, and we're still in part trying to convince her to be Rapunzal from Tangled, or Merida or Elsa or one of the millions of costumes we already have for her, but SHE WILL NOT BE SWAYED AGAIN. So then my husband does a last second hell-mary pass and says he'll dress up as Cinderella for halloween if she'll just stick with going as the character from Tangled."
"He did what?"
"I know. We're not to the kicker yet. She went into my closet and started pulling out outfits for my husband's Cinderella look."
"You're kidding."
"Do I sound as if this is something I could make up? Apparently, just to get my daughter out the door this morning, my husband has promised to take her back to the store to purchase a Cinderella wig for himself just to appease her. So like I said before, I have no idea what's going to happen tonight until it happens. If we dress up as the mother bear from Brave, a man in Cinderella drag and the girl in Tangled, and you get pictures of us on your phone as such, just know it was because of a very adamant three-year-old who would not could not be swayed."
The following conversation is either a real conversation I had about how my Halloween is going so far to my mother of all people or a sketch just rife for a Robot Chicken send-up. I'll let you be the judge.
