Movie Review: Hellbenders

So, do you remember how just last week how I said Clifton Collins Jr. had me by the short and curlies? Well, thanks to Hellbenders, he's not only got me by them, but he's started braiding them, coloring them every color of the rainbow and he named them. For the record, the longest one's is name is Larry. It's a long story.

I didn't really know what I was getting into with this movie. I think I remember watching the trailer for it last year and thinking 'Clancy Brown as clergy cussing, that could be right up my ally'. I didn't know or remember my booooiiii Collins was in it until the opening credits, which may have exceeded my somewhat low expectations by about a bajillion, so you might not get a fair and unbiased movie review is what I'm saying. It could devolve into "Eeeee Clifton Collins Jr. with the collar wearing and the cussing and the scenery chewing, Eeeeee!" But I'll try my best to make this movie review a little bit more intelligible.

The premise of the story is unlike anything I've ever heard of for starters. It involves an order of hellbound priests who commit sins in order to take the demons they exorcise back to hell in their bodies if need be. They cuss and booze and sleep around and commit hedonistic acts to ensure they can expel the demons back to hell. This ragtag group is led by the ever awesome Clancy Brown as the lead priest Angus who calls everyone a c*ck sucker and does dastardly deeds to make sure his vessel is ready to go to hell. He's rounded out by the likes of Clifton Collins Jr., as the conflicted smart-ass Lawrence, Andre Royo, as the record keeper who ensures the order is hell ready, Robyn Rikoon as the fierce, defiant Elizabeth, with Macon Blair and Dan Fogler (Ugh) rounding out the cast. The ragtag band of priests starts out with a new problem. A new Pope has to be named, which means a new archbishop will be overseeing them and probably won't like how they run things, what with stripper cakes being brought into the parish, not mention the onslaught of drugs and sex they submit themselves too. On top of all that, there's a new demon billed as the God-slayer who's threatening to overtake the earth.

The movie is billed as a horror/comedy which is not an easy tight rope to walk, and as a straight up comedy, well it didn't exactly fail but it didn't all out work either. It had one or two pieces that fully (hello archbishob walking into a priest doing some unspeakable acts which may or may not have involved gerbils) worked for me, but I think overall, the movie thought the comedy was only to be found in the idea of priests sinning and that's all it went for, which was mirthful, but not outright funny. Overall, I found the most hilarious part was that because they were still priests, they were forced to use public transportation. Watching a bunch of dour priests face battle while sitting on a bus was hilarious to me for whatever reason, but that was about as far as it went.

As a horror, it most definitely did work. The possession of the Character Elizabeth was so haywire and brilliant because it was less about the gore and more about the psychological baiting. The whole scene builds this incredible demon character up from nothing and sets the scene by feeding off of Elizabeth's insecurities and beliefs or lack thereof. It's incredible to watch and nerve wracking and builds to the very end.
 
The scene at the very beginning, with Clancy Brown and Collins facing off against a possessed rabbi was the one place where I felt both the laughs and freakouts came very naturally and set the tone for the rest of the movie. It's fraught and yet it gave me one of my funniest, laugh out loud moments. Clancy is getting the demon to possess him instead of the rabbi and is about to cut his own throat as the possession takes place and its nerve-wracking to watch, and then suddenly, Collins comes into the scene stage right, smacking the demon upside the head with a bible and yells "King James Motherf*#&#" and I absolutely lose it. In the cage fight between scenery-chewing one-liners that Collins has uttered, this one and "Found a loophole bitch, I oughta be a lawyer!" are duking it our for supremacy, and I have no idea who wins. Repeated viewings of both movies will have to determine the victor. (So much for this devolving into a Collins fan girl post. heh.)

*Spoiler Alert* I will say, that the ending was pretty transparent and I still find it laughable that the movie thought our end times would come about by a giant fiery hell vagina getting fingered as it were, but these are mostly minor quibbles for a movie that builds its mythology, its horror and its laughs very well by the end. And also, for a movie with Dan Fogler in it, it used him very well, which is to say, very, very sparingly  and for laughs. (I'm sorry, but he still owes me for Ball of Fury and I have not come collecting yet).

So overall, its worth the two hours and the rental fee we paid for it. B+

Movie Review: Greetings from Tim Buckley

So yesterday was my birthday (thanks for all the birthday wishes ya'll) and because I'd already celebrated it with my husband over the weekend by going to an actual theater for once to see real live performance (Gilbert and Sullivan's Iolanthe, for those of you curious, and instead of creating another review of that performance, I'll just say it was an entertaining piece of cotton candy, fluffy and fun and forgettable once it was over) we decided not to go out on my actual birthday and instead stayed in and just for funsies, he let me pick the movie. I usually get the privilege revoked on account of some of my more horrible movie choices I've made in the past but since it was my birthday, he relented and let me pick.

So I picked Greetings from Tim Buckley. Now before I get started, let me just say I know only the sparsest bits of information on both singer songwriters featured in the movie. I never followed either of them musically and I only knew that Tim had a son named Jeff and they were both into music and their lives were both cut way too short.

After watching Greetings from Tim Buckley, I knew about the same as I did when I started. The movie gave me no insights into either of them and told only the thinnest of stories in the most meandering ways. It still had its own beauty (that beautiful scene of Imogen Poots singing) and was a perfect platform for the music in which it lovingly featured, but it didn't do much else but leave me with a lot of questions that only a scouring of Jeff Buckley's Wikipedia page actually helped answer.

I was worried that maybe not being a Jeff Buckley enthusiast, I didn't get or understand the movie, but then I remembered the review from My New Plaid Pants (a beautiful, well written review, as @JAMNPP reviews often are and one of the reasons he's pop culture co-pilot) and I realized that it also left Jeff Buckley fans as out in the cold as it left me, which at least left me validated but confused in regards to what the film maker was trying to accomplish. The way the two stories of father and son were inter-weaved was distracting and pointless. And really, I think the story should have been about Jeff and how he made a peace with his father or revisited his father's work and life and less about his father's douche-baggery. I get that there's probably a lot more to his father's story as well and I am interested, but separately not together, especially if it accomplishes nothing.

Overall, a beautiful movie going nowhere. B-

Random conversations sparked by the 100 All-Time greatest issue of EW: Part 1

There are certain rules that remain true in all situations but none more important than this: If you ever want to get Fighting Nun's Irish up in any given situation, hand him a 'definitive list of something'. He will become filled with the steamiest hot air and will have to argue said list until every avenue of said list's wrongness has been explored and every point has been thoroughly riddled with enough holes as to make it completely implausible. I'd forgotten this rule until just recently, when I went rifling through this issue (yes, I know I'm like four or five issues behind. I'm perpetually four or five issues behind. That is my cross to bare. Shut up.)

The following random conversations that have transpired simply because this issue was at the top of the reading pile in the bathroom (sorry, TMI, but it maybe helpful for scene setting. Just sayin').

Fighting Nun, looking at the 10 greatest family movies of all time list: Toy Story is number 2? I mean it was good, but I don't think it was #2 worthy. Bambi at #1 I get, Thumper, his mom died. I can get behind that. But Toy Story. Hold on The Sound of Music is #3? What? How?

Bloody Munchkin: You know, I've never seen The Sound of Music.

Fighting Nun: What? What kind of hippie communist wierdo did I marry? You've never seen The Sound of Music? Doe a deer a female deer. You never knew where that came from?

Bloody Munchkin: I knew where it came from. Doesn't mean I've sat through it all the way through. Pop culture has given me the Cliff's Notes on that.

Fighting Nun: But the hill twirling and the Von Tramp children. You need to see The Sound of Music. I mean, I thoroughly dislike that movie, but you still have to see it.

Bloody Munchkin: Never mind that, we need to figure out how Fox and the Hound didn't make that list.

Fighting Nun: I never saw Fox and the Hound.

Bloody Munchkin: What? Who's the hippie communist now?

Fighting Nun: Fox and the Hound isn't on this list, so that makes your point moot. Also, what the hell is the Red Balloon. New rule. If people like me haven't seen it, it shouldn't be on this list. Red Ballon should be stricken from this list.

Bloody Munchkin: I'll call EW right away.

Fighting Nun: And while you're at it, have them explain to me how Old Yeller didn't make the cut but some bullshit like National Velvet did. Also one I haven't seen.

Bloody Munchkin: Okay, I agree with you on The Red Balloon, but I draw the line at National Velvet. Elizabeth Taylor and a horse trying to fulfill their dreams. That shit was awesome and life affirming and heartwarming and perfect.

 Fighting Nun: Fine, but at the very least you have to agree that Mary Poppins deserved that tenth spot and Spirited Away should be stricken from the list completely.

Bloody Munchkin: Critics have come down hard on the Poppins in the intervening years as being too weird and schticky and just because you stopped watching Anime after Dragon Ball Z doesn't mean there isn't anime made with some sort of merit in the intervening years.

Fighting Nun: Ok, but Shrek.

Bloody Munchkin: Oh no, I get you. No Shrek. I agree.

And that folks, is just the first conversation of many this issue has sparked. I'm sure you're eagerly anticipating other installments. You're welcome.

Movie Review: Wolverine

I actually got to see another movie in an actual movie theater, and this time I didn’t have to go to the bathroom three times during it! (Sorry Iron Man 3).

Wolverine is not the movie I wanted to see Saturday night. I had my heart set on Pacific Rim, but really there was no way I was going to make it the late show  (Sorry Charlie Hunnam’s shirtless body, but I have an internal curfew. I probably would’ve fallen asleep anyway) so we chose The Wolverine as a sort of compromise. And for the most part, I enjoyed myself.

It was a roller coaster ride, which is what I want in my action movies. I could argue that the that the ending was telegraphed from the very beginning, which it was, and it was a pretty predictable ending at that, but the journey getting there was fun, mostly because of the characters and the performances that got delivered.

Because most of the cast was pretty awesome. Yes, we could talk about Hugh Jackman, but we know what we’re going to get from him in terms of performance. That’s why I bought my ticket. But it was the side performances that really shined. I mean, every time I see Will Yun Lee in anything, I continue to enjoy him even more, especially when he’s an unbelievable bastard. Come on, he outclassed most everybody in Red Dawn (which yes, with Josh Peck in the cast, wasn’t hard to do), and *spoiler alert* he delivered in what I knew was going to be a pretty one-note role in this movie too. He was sometimes the most interesting part in this, especially when it became clear what fate had in store for him.

But even better than him were some of the female performances in this. Mariko started out a thankless role. Yes please, try to kill yourself in your second scene in the movie and then run away to your family home that most people will assume you’ve gone in your fourth scene. That’s how you win friends and influence people, really. But then somehow she grew on me. She didn’t shrink away from conflict the way I thought she might. On the whole, I really enjoyed her.

The absolute stand out for me was Rila Fukushima as Yukio. She was simultaneously vulnerable yet fierce in ways I didn’t think were possible. She was teasing out all this emotion and hinting at all these depths within the character one moment and then having one of the most badass Samauri sword battles in closed quarters I’d ever seen the next. That takes talent. And I hope Hollywood takes notice and puts her in more things, or somebody has the god damned audacity to make Yukio the movie, because based on her performance alone, I’d plunk down hard earned money to see that.

But for all the performances that I did enjoy there were just as many that annoyed me to no end. I love Famke Janssen and have sense Love and Sex for crying out loud and I also loved her as Jean Grey, but her reprisal of the role was thoroughly unnecessary. It added nothing to the story itself and came off as very hackneyed and cloying. If you’re going to have Famke Janssen in a movie, make her useful, instead of just a passing fancy in The Wolverine’s head, fercryingoutloud.

The worst offender though was the role of Viper. I wrote on twitter the other day that Uma Thurman called and she wanted her performance and wardrobe as Poison Ivy back. And I stick by that. Viper was just a thin impersonation of Poison Ivy and one that wasn’t very enjoyable at that. *Spoiler Alert again* Thank god Yukio cut her head off, I was getting tired of her and if she showed up in another movie I was going to have to give up on the whole X-Men franchise altogether.

But on the whole it really did work, despite my bitching. It was well-paced, the action was fun, there were ninjas, and swords, and yakuza, three things I enjoy immensely in my movies. So, what I’m trying to say is, you could do worse. B

Four Movie Reviews and a Funeral

I kid with this title, well with the latter, not with the former. I totally intend to review four movies, but there will be no funeral that I need attend or review, at least none that I know of for the present moment, knock on wood.

So yeah, I saw four movies this weekend and one of them didn’t involve OnDemand and actually involved my butt in a theatre seat for the first time in six months. I know, exciting. I’ma review them from my most favorite to my least.

Iron Man 3 – You know the broad strokes by now. I mean, the movie’s been out for awhile, and the internet doesn’t have a filter, so you likely have run into a movie review or two by now. I’ll spare you the longwinded review (especially since I no longer have a movie bladder and had a large diet coke so I had go to the bathroom twice and I’m missing big chunks of the movie…I know. Sorry for the overshare) and boil it down to brass tacks: 1) James Badge Dale is as awesome as advertised. 2) Even more awesome than him was Ben Kingsley and the bait and switch going on with his character. Freaking genius! 3) Even more awesome than THAT was Dale Dickey in the world’s tiniest/most awesome cameo. She deserved better than that bit part ya’ll. She rocked it, but still. She’s starting to stack up Beth Grant levels of admiration in me. She deserves all the parts ever. 4) And the most awesome of all? That Kid. Jesus that kid was freaking perfect in every way. I just wanted to pick him up, tuck him in my pocket and take him home. The back and forth with RDJ was so much fun. I could’ve used a whole m

ovie of that with fifteen more minutes of Dale Hickey. B+

Killing Them Softly – I talked the hubbie into this one mostly on the strength of My New Plaid Pants’ review, because he is my bell weather for all things movies/pop culture. And he was not wrong. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, because it was perfect showcase for all sorts of character actors, and a lot of them came out of nowhere. I mean Max Casella! Max 'Newsies' Casella! He had a perfect scene, but I was distracted trying to figure out who he was and it came to almost as violent as the kick in the ribs he delivered on poor Ray Liotta. But there was a lot of talking that didn't got anywhere, which I understand is part of the point, but it was distracting nonetheless. James Gandolfini's role seemed pointless and didn’t go anywhere. I could’ve used 30 more minutes of Brad Pitt and Richard Jenkins just talking in a car over his little pointless insertion into the movie. I understand that his presence was to flip things around, to be that one thread that never went anywhere, but you know what really would've flipped things around? Scoot McNairy shirtless, alot, for no reason. There, problem solved.  Also, Scoot McNairy has got to become a band name somehow. The Scoot McNairys? The McNairy Scoot? Scoot his McNairys? Okay, I know I’m reaching, but the band would be almost as cool as the guy himself.  B

Jack Reacher – I should’ve subtitled this post Richard Jenkins film festival, because this was the second movie this weekend I watched with him in it. And let me just state that Richard Jenkins is never the wrong answer. I almost always smile when he's on screen. But with that said, I liked this role the least of the two, not that it matters, because he was barely in it. Who was in it was Tom Cruise, in yet another installment of Tom Cruise the movie, which is not a bad way to spend two hours especially if those two hours also include Micheal Raymond-James (yum!), Jai Courtney (double yum! Although, with all the Die Hard jokes we were making, poor Jai can't win for losing), Rosamund Pike, a creepy Werner Herzog, and Robert Duvall at his craggiest, which for the record, is how I like my Robert Duvall. But the mystery, while resolved, just kind of stayed a mystery in that the motivation for the bad guy was never fully explained. It might just be me, but I needed more resolution than that. B-

Red Dawn – Jesus with this movie. I mean, Lord was this movie not good. It wasn’t horrible, and it did seem to have a sense of itself, what it was trying to be, but what it was trying to be was mediocre to begin with. And I can’t fault the actors, well I can’t fault most of them. Hemsworth tried and pretty much carried the movie the entire time. And I can never dislike Hutcherson in a role, even if that role and the movie he’s in is terrible (Cirque Du Freak, I’m looking at you), but he didn't even have a part to sink his teeth into. But Josh Peck! Gawd! And I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I saw The Wackness and I liked it, I even liked him in it, fercryingoutloud which is not something I thought I could do in regards to the kid who played Robe (yes, I’ve seen Max Keeble's Big Move, multiple times, without kids. Shut up! I don’t need to explain my art to you Warren!). But he was so over-matched in just about every way in this movie as to make the whole thing laughable. And there were so many dead plot threads, they probably equaled the number of dead bodies they created in the movie. It was ridiculous. I could go on and on, about its many flaws, and definitely its implausibilities, but what’s the point? I’ll just say that I’ve never been happier to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan show up in a movie in my life. Now, what that says for the movie is up to interpretation. C-

Another conversation in which Quentin Tarantino figures heavily

Fighting Nun doesn't really understand this, but in the morning when I get up with the baby and I turn on the TV in the living room, my immediate inclination is to find something that I already know and thus don't have to pay full attention to. Lately my go to of choice has been Prom. That movie is a stinker but a stinker filled with pretty people and Emily Valentine (OMG!) of all people so it's easy to let it pass before my eyes. This morning though it was Pulp Fiction.You all know how I feel about Tarantino, and how I sometimes get too emotional about his work, this one in particular. Well my Pulp Fiction obsession reared its ugly head again.

Mia Wallace in Lego Form! Via

To Wit:

Bloody Munchkin: So what I want to know is, how is it that when we quote this movie 'Warm, Warmer, Disco!' never comes up?
Fighting Nun: Because... Uhm, its not a very good line.
Bloody Munchkin: It could have its uses!
Fighting Nun: 'Look at the Big Brain on Brad' Uses?
Bloody Munchkin: Well, no.
Fighting Nun: Guess you answered your own question then huh.

Ok, this all may be true, but I'm still struck with the fact that years later I'm still finding little Bon mots like this one that I've never used. Something else I find intriguing is how well this movie goes at its own pace. I found the movie on cable right before the "What does Marcellus Wallace look like?" conversation and continued going about my morning business of playing with my daughter, getting her breakfast etc. I look at it once and hear the "Warm, Warmer, Disco!" line which gets stuck in my head, then I keep moving on with my morning. I expected to be well into the golden watch conversation by the time breakfast was finished, but Mia Wallace hadn't even OD'd yet! Actually, when I went upstairs to clean up the munchkin, she was just in the process. Quentin goes at his own damned pace and nobody better rush him! The movie has its own idiosyncratic rhythm, as do all Tarantino movies and you better be willing to let the rhythm wash over you, else you're not watching his movies right. I haven't seen Django Unchained yet, so I don't know if that's like some universal truth I just unlocked, but it feels about right.

Dismantling the already Dismantled A Christmas Story 2

So we're watching the TV over the weekend and Comcast has these incredibly bad banners at the bottom of the TV menu and one of them caught my eye and I immediately pointed it out. Somebody had the audacity, the outright nerve to make A Christmas Story 2. Yes, you read that right. There's a sequel to the much beloved A Christmas Story. And despite my outright horror of even attempting a sequel to this movie, Fighting Nun and I attempted to give it a shot. The outcome? Not good. Not good at all. They took everything I loved about the original and mutated into the most generically toned down, unfunny, sad depiction of all the characters in the original. It was so watered down that I wasn't angry at it, I just pitied it. I even remarked to Fighting Nun that the saddest part was I probably wouldn't be mad enough to tear it to shreds on this here blog.

Well, I've decided, that even with a few days since watching it, I'm still mad enough to want to catalog as many of its sins as I can, because you don't just create a sequel to a beloved classic without kicking a few hornets' nests. I won't be able to list them all, because we'd be here for ages and I have Christmas shopping to do, but I'll do my best.

And the sins this movie committed:

Sin #1: Blatant, Bad, and Blatantly Bad Stunt Casting

This movie is ripe with it. Actors were either cast because they would be good as cartoon versions of our beloved characters or they tried to find the blandest substitutes. In the case of the former it was so blatant as to be criminal. I mean, you are not casting Daniel Stern because he's a master of subtlety and will give the character of the Old Man the nuance he deserves. You're casting Daniel Stern in a movie essentially to play Daniel Stern in Daniel Stern: The Movie. That man is sending it to the nosebleeds is what I'm saying. And hey, Darren McGavin's performance wasn't a master class in laid back performances either. He was probably buried with set pieces from this movie still stuck in his teeth, but there was a heart in that character clearly visible that Daniel Stern's version just didn't have. Yes, we get it, he's a cheap old man. There are better ways to sell that than to have a temper tantrum in a butcher's shop. Gah!

And where it really gets horrible is with the side characters the movie took the time to include (which no Scut Farkus? Of all the indignities... Well I never!), but didn't take the time to do anything with. Take the beloved Schwartz and Flick as another example. In the original, both characters, while plucky and trouble-making, always felt like kids, not cardboard cutouts walking around in kids bodies. And they felt like Ralphie's friends, not people he begrudgingly hangs out with, but friends. Friends that don't rat you out when you clearly dared them to do something stupid and friends who watch in horror as you beat up the school bully.

This movie's Schwartz and Flick were obviously none of those things. The only thing they tried to be was really schticky comic relief and that failed miserably. There's a whole bit in the movie where Schwartz sticks him mouth in a compressor tube hole that was obviously supposed to mimic the flag pole scene and it was so lame as to even make my eye rolls at it seem redundant. Heck, I even got angry when they were introduced. I think I ranted "That's Schwartz. That's who you chose for Shwartz!?!!" at the TV, as Fighting Nun laughed at me.

But then there were those instances of stunt-casting that felt like the movie didn't even try to come close to the original. I mean I get that Peter Billingsley is a hard act to follow because he will forever be Ralphie and those are some mighty big breeches to fill, but filling those breeches with this kid? And giving him the worst dye in a box bleach job the world has ever seen since Courtney Love? Not filling those breeches in the tiniest. It's as if some casting director just threw up his hands, handed the director a head shot and said "Eh, he'll do." And it's ever so sad. the kid tried. He was trying to deliver his performance to the back of the house, but it just came off as trying too hard and sad.

And the other place where the casting director didn't even try? The role of Mother. Melinda Dillon was incredible and played the part of harried housewife to the nines. She wasn't prim, she had a hard time getting out of the house with her apron off and was covered in flour and probably her kids' bodily fluids. Stacey Travis did not even attempt to play the same role as Dillon. She was playing June Cleaver for Christ's Sake and it was so obvious and it took away all of the things that I loved about the original character. It was just embarrassing.

Also, do not even get me started on the Narrator for this movie. He wasn't a good imitation Jean Shepard.  Imitation Cheese could've done a better job than this guy.

Sin #2: Paper Thin Plot

Not that the original didn't have a paper thin plot. I mean come on "Kid plots way to get his parents the Christmas gift of his dreams" is not rocket science. But it blended in seamlessly with so many other plots and themes the movie was trying to get across that it made such a blatantly obvious story so much more. In this one the paper thin plot never materializes into anything else. "Ralphie wants his own car and a girl. Ralphie goes through needless rigamarole of Goldbergian proportions to try to get car and continues to fail miserably until he doesn't and gets his car and his girl." So lame, so unearned, so generic. The other plot is "the Old man is a cheapskate and tries to cheapskate Christmas. And in the end he learns.... nothing." Yawn.

Sin #3: Gags in the first movie did not work in the second

The aforementioned tube gag, a leg lamp moment, some big to-do involving the department store Santa Claus, and the little day-dream fantasy sequences were all used to hardly any degree of success. It all fell flat. The only part that worked was when Randy had to suffer the same costume wearing fate Ralphie did in the first movie. I mean, come on. Forcing kids into uncomfortable, horrible-looking costumes is just plain fun!

Random Thoughts on A Cabin in the Woods

I finally got to see Cabin in the Woods on On Demand this weekend after months, nay years of pining for it and I have to say I loved it but I think my love for it is such that I can't put it together in a comprehensible review, so I'm just going to make a bunch random comments about the movie.

I love, love, love Richard Jenkins for so many reasons and in so many ways and in the first seconds of the movie, as he's getting coffee and jumps into that go-kart, I knew my love would only grow. And it did. He was great in this.

I have loathed Bradley Whitford for a number years for a lot of reasons, but they actually boiled down to one reason, which is that his character in My Adventures in Babysitting was a dick and I will always hold that against him. He could cure cancer, adopt a million puppies, and whatnot, and there would still be a part of my brain that would seethe upon his presence, but this role? Made me love him just a bit. I mean, come on. He's dancing with Jenkins! I can't not love that!

I love, love, love Amy Acker and so I beamed when I saw her. She gets all demanding and chirpy in the first couple of minutes and all I can do is smile. But I have to know one thing. Does Joss have some fascination with Acker in lab coats? Because I swear, every role she's played in the Whedon-verse has involved a lab coat at some point. Angel, Dollhouse, this. I'm not complaining. Acker rocks a lab coat. But I'm just wondering, is it some sort of nerd fetish Joss has to live out? Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'd just like to know.

And the other thing I love, love, love? Fran Kranz and his coffee cup bong of awesomeness. Speaking of nerd fetishes, I think I have one for Fran Kranz. Ever since Dollhouse and the "Glasses?" "On a chain!" "For the Win!" exchange between his version of Topher and Enver's version of Topher, I was absolutely smitten with both of them and now I'm in deeper smit because he ruled this movie and for the following line; "I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand here! Do not read the Latin!" Swoon. That's horror movie geekery at its finest and I love him for it.

That phone call bit with Mordecai had me cackling to like an insane degree. They totally hit the nail on the head with that one. 

 "What girl in her right fucking mind dances alone in her room in her underwear?"
"Uhm, all of them."
"Really?"
"Yes! Duh!"
This exchange has been brought to you by Kristen Connelly's dance of awesomeness. Dancing in your underwear is never the wrong answer.

Other random thoughts:

I don't know what it is with Joss Whedon and giant snakes, but maybe he just needs to direct an animated movie called Snakey: The Snake That Ate Some Cities and get it out of his system, because every time he brings a giant snake into one of his live-action projects, it just looks video-gamey as hell.

I read this via Joe Reid's awesome blog forever and a day ago and made note of it somehow in my brain and wanted to see if I agreed with that assessment or not and it turns out I agree. It's chintzy and cheap but in an awesome way that only Joss could manage I think. Yes I was all "Look, the Mayor is alive and well." but the sight gag was still worth it. Also, I would totally watch Snakey: The Snake That Ate Some Cities if Joss ever made it. Just saying.

Can we talk about Ron the Intern for a moment? Because I think I love Ron the Intern. Tom Lenk can be hit or miss in a lot of things he's been in. Andrew bugged the fuck out of me. He was the weakest link in the geek trio from Buffy and he just grated to no end. And it was because of this that he would show up in things, things I legitimately liked but I would still grumble "Andrew." And so he showed up in this and at first I thought he was Danny Strong, who I love, so I got all excited, but then I realized it was him instead and I got hesitant but then Ron the Intern and Maintenance guess correctly and he cheered and I melted. Ron the Intern 4 eva!

My last thought. What the hell is up with Sigourney Weaver ending up being the stern endgame in a lot of movies lately? She just shows up at the end, rattles some cages and then.... credits. What is that all about?

I loved this movie and it's everything people like Joe Reid and Jason at My New Plaid Pants had told me it would be. A+

A Disjointed, Rambling Review of the Craptacular In Time

So I watched In Time last night and instead of giving you a proper review, you’ll have to deal with my rambling, disjointed thoughts, again. Spoilers ahead, Fun times ahoy (TM Extra Hot Great Podcast):

Timberlake gives the worst crying faces I’ve ever seen, period. I’m sitting there watching what was supposed to be a tear-jerky moment and I kept looking at Timberlake’s face and laughing. My hubbie was all “That’s cold” and I was all “I’m sorry but I can’t take that at all seriously.

VincentKartheiser unfortunately brought very little bitch face to the proceedings. In fact, he looked botoxed and constipated all the time. I was expecting scenery chewing, deep scowling and pithy…. pith and instead I got sullen and indifferent. I put up with him on, what two, three seasons of Angel and this is how he repays me, by barely showing up to the party? For Shame. 

No, not that suit, although not complaining

EthanPeck looks damn good in a suit. He had like three lines (and if you ask me, the part didn’t require any lines at all) and mostly just stood there as scenery, which, where is that movie? Pretty Ethan Peck standing around in a nice suit and not saying much? Because I would watch that over and over again. I would go on a rant about how I’m tired of having to watch him in bit parts just to get my Peck Fix (Heh! Band Name!) and how I’ve sat through Nicolas Cage half-heartedly chewing through scenery and Jay Baruchel making googly eyes at a girl just to catch a second of him standing around wearing a scarf. He’s under-utilized and if Ten Things I Hate about You taught me anything it’s that he can smoulder and bring down the show if we just give him a part worthy of his abilities.

Far be it from me to complain when Johnny Galecki shows up anywhere doing anything, but he was totally over-qualified and under used. I mean really? The drunk best friend who can’t even make it to the second act? Shame on you movie. If you’re gonna put Johnny Galecki in a freaking movie he better be used to his fullest.

Olivia Wilde was another over-qualified, under-used actor in this one. *Spoiler alert if you’re gonna see the movie Her climactic death scene was so unearned and because it cause the aforementioned crying faces that evoked laughter in me it felt like such a cheat.

At least the movie knew what the hell to do with Bomer. He shows up, he smirks, he brings warmth and something extra to small character and then he leaves.

What the Eff is up with Pettyfer’s accent? So let me get this straight… How did a dude with british accent come to find his way into a cordoned off ghetto that no-one ever escapes? The addition of that accent feels like some half-assed idea Pettyfer insisted be there even though it had no business being there. It was ridiculous and what’s more he had a hard time keeping it up. Dear Douche, er I mean Alex; If you’re going to use an accent don’t puss out half-way through. Commit or leave it jerk wad. Also, it’s the future, not the twenties, drop the zoot suit jerk-wad. Love, me!

Speaking of odd sartorial choices, Cillian Murphy’s wardrobe felt as if the cast-offs from The Matrix and Equilibrium found a back room somewhere, got busy having illegitimate children that Cillian’s character was forced to wear. It was all dark and ominous totally lame looking. I’m disappointed wardrobe didn’t cap the look off with Morpheus shades. Just sayin’.

There’s this flashback scene about how their clocks get turned on that was totally not important and added nothing to the story. Lame upon lame.Although Amanda Seyfried preening in front of a mirror for a time did have its advantages. Speaking of:

My girl crush on Amanda Seyfried? Yup, it’s still there. Not even the crappy red wig could diminish it. Maybe the next movie I should watch/review is that crappy movie with her and Wes Bentley (which, if he isn’t the bad guy, I will eat my hat) just to go for the Seyfried Hat Trick (Heh! Band Name! I’m two for two!)

The total second half felt totally unearned. The whole robin hood bent felt like a lame plot device when the set up gave us so much hope and promise for something more original and vibrant.

Overall, not horrible, not worth much either. C+