Review: Red Band Society Pilot

I get that I'm, what, three days late with this one and you've probably read every review you were gonna read on this show anyway, but now that I've watched the thing a bunch of times (....yes, like four times now. Shut up.), I feel like I still have things to say, naggy things that won't leave me alone.

And let me just say that I like it before I get into the nit-picking. There aren't enough disabled characters that are nuanced and not just there to make the main character feel better about himself. And although I'm a little upset that actual actors with disabilities are not playing these characters, (representation matters!) I'm happy that a story about kids like this is being made at all. And the afflictions really run the gambit. It's not just a "kids with cancer" story. Which it shouldn't be. 

And there really is crack casting all the way through this sucker. Yes, Yes, blah-blah-blah-Octavia Spencer kicking but and taking names-cakes. She is as advertised and she is a perfect composite of hard-assed nurse with a heart of gold that I have ever met, and I've met several. And can I just say how happy I am that Griffin Dunne is slowly morphing into Harry Dean Stanton. Maybe every generation will have a person that slowly morphs into him so that we'll have a Harry Dean Stanton forever. Because he's a national treasure and we need him to live on for the generations (Okay, I have no idea where that came from).

But there were two pieces of casting that made my girl-of-the-90s heart sing. For starters, Thomas Ian Nicholas.The second I saw him I suddenly reverted to the version of me that saw Rookie of the Year for the first time and swooned, just a little. Although You do not know how hard I laughed when Thomas Ian Nicholas was the guy who bought them all beer. I don't know if it was meant to be some American Pie call-back but I took as such. I also can't wait to see how his role will develop.

But the absolute best casting was Wilson Cruz. I did not know how much I missed him on my TV until he came back. He is my everything and I will be returning to this show just to make sure he has a job. And yes, I could count the number of lines he had in this episode on both my hands. But with Wilson Cruz even small amounts is awesome Wilson Cruz.

But there's a lot of incongruities that just didn't track for me in the pilot. And I'm not saying a TV show is going to get every beat right when it comes to hospital life, but there's so much that it got wrong that it just bugged. There's so much that bugged that I'm not even sure where to start. I could go with Leo's eyebrows and how disconcerting it is that a kid on active chemo who lost all his hair could still have bushy eyebrows that are subscribing to some sort of 'Peter Gallagher Eyebrows of awesomess' regimen for some reason. Why couldn't they just go all the way with it? Cancer patients lose or thin out their eyebrows too. Why can't you show that?

And the sped up timeline with which everything took place bugged me too. Are you telling me that within the course, of what, a few hours Kara would just get a room? And by the end of the same day they have a diagnosis for her? Just like that? "Oh did the EKG, MRI, ultrasound and nuclear test all in the same day and we got these results. Wow, we're efficient." Yeah, like that happens. Honestly, I would've loved to seen her driven crazy by the the hurry-up and wait of the ER. She would've tried to eviscerate someone there. And the other thing about Kara is that the doctor and parents just talked about Kara's condition in the middle of the foyer so that she could overhear. Blah-blah-blah-HPAA-privacy-regulations-blah, more blah-blah-blah about Every hospital's patient's bill of rights is different but there is generally a clause that the patient has a right to know everything about their diagnosis and treatment. And I know these sort of hallway conversations do happen all the time, but it just felt like a plot point and not what would really happen.

And the less said about Jordi being admitted to the hospital and going into surgery the next day. Are you actually telling me that he didn't have to go through a bevy of scans and tests before he gets the magic surgery of life-savingness? Yeah, no can't buy it.

And, okay last bitch session, so what Leo had one class in the morning but somehow had the rest of the day to find out he was getting a new roommate, get in a lunch with a hypochondriac and take a plastic surgeon's car for a joy ride? Last I checked, classes at a hospital are still pretty regimented and longer-ish? Every high schooler now all the sudden wants to live in a hospital so that they only have to read Henry the V for an hour and can spend the rest of the day doing whatever the hell they want.

And I know I should shut up and stop bitching about it not hitting every note of real life hospital stays. So I'm gonna stop and say that I co-sign this show because the coma boy used farts as revenge and Dash fakes a wheezing episode and I laughed my ass off at that. It won me over despite it's obvious misrepresentations into parts of hospital life. I'm willing to give this show a solid shot. Grade: A solid B.

Breaking Bad Reviews: Rabid Dog and To'hajiilee

Okay, so last week got away from and I didn't do a review for the Rabid Dog episode so I thought I'd review both episodes, but I'm not sure I'm even capable of that because that episode ending left me reeling so freaking much that I might not be in any sort of shape to be coherent.

I will say that this show's heating things up to slow things down again only to rev them up even more this season might be a master class in suspense and tension. I mean, this show is a chess board and when Jesse went to light Walt's house on fire, I thought, finally somebody is making a play for the queen. But then Hank talked Jesse down and that sweeping move, other than getting gasoline soaked into the subflooring,didn't do anything but get Skylar's momma bear claws out. And this week, I thought was just going to be more chess board pieces moving around. Walt was looking for Jesse, Jesse was looking for Walt's money, Todd and his crazy racist, sexist family were looking for a better batch of meth, Lydia was looking for a better batch of meth, and it would just a lot of small moves with probably not a lot of payoff this episode.

Boy was I ever wrong.

That showdown in the desert builds and builds into the most gut-wrenching, breath-taking violent masterpiece I've ever seen. It was so carefully and beautifully orchestrated too. It wasn't just the violence, but the way it came around. I haven't seen dances that well choreographed. I also haven't witnessed a piece of TV that has left me that breathless for that long. Even my friends on twitter were like 'can't breath' and 'my heart is going so fast'. It was insane.

And the really intriguing part is that we won't know where the chess pieces really are until the dust settles. I'd like to make a 'Oh Gomez, for we hardly knew ye' or 'Go with God, Uncle Hank, RIP' statement here, the way they left it, but I'm not even sure of that much yet. I do know that I think Pinkman had enough sense of self preservation and I don't need to make a 'Yeah Bitch, Rest In Peace" joke but I don't know that even. Damn you show.

Rabid Dog gets a B+ but that's only because To'hajiilee Is getting an A for the epicness of that last scene.

Breaking Bad Episode review: Confessions

Dear Breaking Bad:

I love you and you gave me a Walt Jr. scene this episode, but uhm, come on here! Keep him under the veil this episode and getting him to go along with whatever game Walt is playing is not the way to do it. Please make some forward momentum on this relationship and on his character. That's all I'm asking.

Thanks;

The Bloody Munchkin

But that's my  only (continuing) complaint on what was otherwise a very strong episode. I mean, how can I can complain when they gave Aaron Paul so much to do? The forward momentum in Pinkman was a long time coming and is part of a fitting story arc for the character. It's more than I could've hoped or wanted from the character and I can't wait to see this play out. Hitting Walt's home was an interesting choice for him and will have deep ramifications for the rest of the season. Will Walt be able to find his money stash with the lottery ticket burned up in the fire? Will it also be the thing that drives the Hiesenburg unveiling? And the thing that led to this was the simplest freaking scene. It was so deceptively simple that I kept looking at my husband and asking 'what just happened there?' It was freaking genius.

The other thing that was so surprising and awesome and has been this entire series, is Hank's complete ineffectiveness at  pinning anything on Walt. How more effectively to you emotionally castrate a character than by making him completely incapable of overtaking the one person he's wanted from the beginning? They put Hank in the most elaborate rat cage filled with blackmail and faked confessions they could possibly design and when he gets let out, there will be hell to pay. And the interesting part is that Marie is backed into a corner with him and she'll probably be the most hellbent, especially after she realizes she'd accepted meth money to pay for Hank's medical bills. Holy crap.

But the best part of all was the intense Gardenio's face off which allowed my husband to complete his Breaking Bad Bingo card of Albuquerque locations not just because he was able to cross it off his list, but because it was the most tension-filled restaurant meeting I've ever seen just shy of the Diner scene from last week. Many do the Whites and Schraders know how to make all meals awkward!

There were a couple of parts I could've done without in this episode. Todd and his skinhead family's small talk in the diner (poor waitress, having to handle all that awkward gawking) was in my view unnecessary, although this show has a way of making unnecessary moments very freaking important, so we'll see.

All in all, this is adding up to be one of the best swan songs of a show in recent memory. Keep up the good work show. A-.

Breaking Bad Episode Review: Buried

I think my mind is still reeling after last night's episode, mostly because it was so starkly different from Blood Money that I still don't know how to process it. What was a game of miles last episode suddenly turned into a game of inches within this episode. And man, were those some hard fought/won/lost inches. Hanks game for yardage with Skyler ended up netting pretty much a loss and when Hank makes a Hail Mary pass in the form of Marie talking Skyler off the ledge, ball gets fumbled and so does the baby, almost. God those scenes!

And I know a lot of stuff happened this episode, a lot of rooks got moved around by big fat body guards who Scrooge McDuck it in a storage facility  and then hidden the desert by a chemo-riddled meth kingpin running on adrenaline and pure survival mode, and a bunch of pawns got slaughtered above an underground meth lab in the Arizona desert, and Pinkman moves his knight/car into either a strategic position or sacrifices it in an act of stupidity, I'm not sure which at this point.(Which, okay, I'm going to take an aside here. Please for the love of Christ, somebody tell me Pinkman's car is okay and will be seen in later episodes. I don't think I can't take much more collateral damage in the form of houses/cars/inanimate objects at this point. Just let her be in an impound lot somewhere and safe and in running condition. Please.)

And there's some pieces on the board that haven't played at all. Which, here I go on another aside. But where the hell is Walt Jr? And somebody better not tell me camp, because no. Why hasn't he played his game piece and how the hell is he going to find this crap out? This is driving me nuts and what bugged me about an otherwise strong episode. Hank knows, Marie was told. When's Jr. going to find out? For the love of little blue bags of meth, when? And it better not be some throw away scene either. There better be fireworks and he better get a move on the board other than getting shipped around to family members and being resentful.  There better be some sort of payoff in his relationships to people on this show is all I'm saying.


But Walt Jr's nonexistent game piece this episode aside, this was an incredibly great episode for Marie, Hank, and Skyler, and how they played off each other. That diner scene was a piece of art. Literally have I never been so tense about watching nothing get accomplished in my entire life. All that did was clear the air of lies which was huge and did nothing at the same time. And to watch all the conflicting emotions wash over Skyler, and then over Hank was just so beautiful. Give them all the awards. Anna Gunn just taught ya'll a master class in making a scene that saves your bacon. I hope you all were paying attention.

Another master class Anna Gunn teaches: how to give it all away with out saying a fucking word. That scene where Marie probes Skyler and Skyler answers with tear upon chin quivering tear and doesn't say a word right until Marie slaps the bajesus out of her was brilliant. But not as brilliant as the showdown in the living room with Skyler's daughter. Talk about another scene in which I've I tensed watching nothing really get accomplished. Just incredible. And the whole episode establishes that very thing. In the end, Skyler tell's Walt that the best move is not move and not give anybody anything. After all, Not playing her hand gained her the information that Hank has very little on Walt but conjecture and a bunch of connections and that Walt was sick again. What else can not moving garner her? This might be the smartest move the writers have ever made in regards to Skyler, I can not even tell you. I know a lot of people hate Skyler, which frankly I've never understood, but this proves that she's more of a mastermind than we think she is, that her whole end game might upstage everyone and I for one can't wait to see what happens next.

So, to wrap up, this was a great episode that sets up a lot of moving pieces but I'm only going to give it a B+, because a) two episodes in and still no Walt Jr.? Travesty. and b) while I love me the ginger and the fat body guard and the pile of money, they are no Badger and Skinny Pete. Not that that scene didn't find hit some pleasure centers with me, but laying on a big pile of money is no Star Trek fan fiction. Sorry guys.

Breaking Bad Episode Review: Blood Money

I know I don’t typically review TV on any sort of regular basis. When I do review TV, I either don’t give the episode a grade score or I keep to the end of the review. Well, right now we’re going talk about Breaking Bad and how I give this first episode of its final half-season an A+. Because that episode was spectacular, beginning to end and everything in between.

But I really don’t think I’m going to do a straight review of the episode anyhow. You can read it done better other places. But there are a few things I want to touch on, and no, Saul’s barn door ain’t one of them. Or maybe it is. *shudder* no its not.

First let me say how refreshing it is to see that most of the side characters that I’ve come to know and love and help move this show along were at least somehow brought into view. Saul, his aforementioned barn door and his glorious office, Lydia and her rental car, and most importantly of all Badger and Skinny Pete. Moments before their scene I looked at Fighting Nun and said “Listen, all I’m saying is if they don’t bring back Badger and Skinny Pete for at least one more episode, then this whole half-a-season and the rest of the seasons will have been a wash.” As if reading my mind in the future, Gilligan and crew decided “Oh we’ll give you Badger and Skinny Pete all right and we’ll write them in a moment that was handcrafted just for you.” Badger describing his Star Trek Fan fiction involving a Barf-o-rama-esque pie eating contest on the Enterprise in which Scotty is beaming pies out of Chekov’s stomach so that Chekov can best Spock only Scotty gets distracted by Uhura’s rack and ends up beaming Chekov’s bowls into outerspace and Skinny Pete getting his mind blown by this idea? Tell me that scene was written expressly for me? It’s what I never knew I wanted until I got it and it made me smile and my heart leap. Thank you Breaking Bad.

Consequently, if some tech-savvy enterprising type (@bobbyfinger or @JAMNPP perhaps?) could make a gif of Badger spouting the ending of said fanfic and it cut to Skinny Pete's face when his mind gets blown for me to have for the rest of my days, I would be forever grateful. Somebody make that happen, Mmmmkay.

But that was the only heart leap to be had this episode, at least by me. The rest was one gut punch after another. That’s not entirely true. That scene where Skyler storms through her own car wash and charges Lydia like a mother bear with her claws out was everything to me. Being a mother who would do anything to protect her children, I’ve sometimes questioned a lot of Skyler’s motives and decisions, but in that moment I didn’t have to question and I would’ve done the same thing, maybe even more. Good on her and good on the show for finally giving her something to do in a more substantial way than they have in the past.

But let’s stop describing the highs of this rollercoaster ride and get to the gut churning lows. When that opening shot of the show finally zoomed out to reveal those skate boarders riding in the emptied out pool of Walt’s house, my heart dropped into my stomach, and then, when we get to see the interior of the house, gutted and graffitied, I felt like this show just injured one of its characters.  I’m not sure I’m the one to deliver a much-needed think-piece on locations and inanimate objects as their own characters  on Breaking Bad (I mean, isn’t this Matt Zoller Sietz’s territory?), but that’s what I intend to deliver.

This show has such a sense of place that I feel that some of these locations, some of the objects were characters themselves. The episode where the boys and the Winnebago were stranded in the desert: that was the Winnebago getting to have its own dialog, getting to insert its own say in the episode. And the episode where they destroy her? I think I cried actual tears. It made just as much of an impact as any character death on the show.  The same could be said for the underground lab and the Fly episode. They made that lab a character with its own input and when they destroyed the lab, I had an opposite but equal reaction of elation, like, finally they took down the bitch. Even the cars have a significant role. You can’t tell me Walt’s Aztec and Jesse’s red clunker haven’t been players in their own right. The Car Wash, Saul’s office, they’ve all played their parts, have they not? Let’s not even get started on Jesse’s house and the horrors its had to endure. The list could go on and on.

But Walt’s home more than anything felt like its own character with its own role to play. I watched as she bemoaned horrible water pressure and water heat. I watched as Walt fixed her up and she repaid them sort of by burning Walt Jr.’s hands. I watched as she became overrun by airplane wreckage and how she overcame the damage. I watched her hide Walt’s secrets time and again, I watched her welcome a new baby and protect the inhabitants as best she could. I watched as she handled Walt throwing a pizza at her for chrisssakes! So when they showed her gutted and mutilated, with the word Heisenberg scrawled on one of her walls with boys out in her pool skateboarding (WITHOUT HELMETS! GAH!) I felt her wounds, her heartbreak, how she was betrayed.

If  Jesse’s house goes down in ball of fire I will cry gigantic crocodile tears and then I.  WILL. RIOT.

But that’s how good this show is. It made me invested in not just the characters, but better than any other show in my memory, the place as well. And that’s just not home state pride talking. I think I did start watching the show because Albuquerque and the state of my youth were featured so prominently. This wasn’t just a production that decided to use a city’s place name but recreated it in some Canadian backlot somewhere (Supernatural, your use of Kermit still stings). This was a production that filmed on location and got it right. I don’t know if the motel they dubbed the Crystal Palace was an actual location in ABQ or one they had to build but I will tell you it called to memory some of the seedy motels I’d seen in Albuquerque of my youth, and that’s saying something. Every place felt real and authentic and important.

A year or so ago, Fighing Nun had to go to Albuquerque and he’d send me pictures of what he was convinced was the Car Wash and the Lazer Tag place. I think he even took a picture of a good facsimile of a Pollos Hermanos restaurant. Two more place pictures and he could’ve won Breaking Bad Bingo.   

If another enterprising graphics-savvy person would mock up a sample Breaking Bad Bingo card with just Breaking Bad places in the card  and send it to me, I would be again, forever grateful. These, while close aren't quite there yet.

And lastly, I want to discuss the other gut-churning/lurching moment worth mentioning, which is obviously the ending. Yes, I could talk about the Jesse, Walt scene, which has its merits and is worth talking about, but let’s get to show stopper shall we?

 My gut really had no idea where to be. At first it was in a holding pattern, waiting, moment to moment, and then Walt pulled out the GPS and it jumped forward about fifteen feet. As Hank lowered the garage door and my stomach found a new low underneath my bowels. As the show down commenced, I felt like I’d taken a few in the solar plexus. As they continued with verbal jabs instead of actual ones, my guts didn’t know where to be. Hank tore Walt a new one and my stomach churned, Walt told Hank the cancer was back and it sunk again. And as the episode faded out, with the two of them excellently lit and shadowed, recalling to mind that episode of Walt and Gus discussing business matters, my insides felt utterly exhausted.

Random conversations sparked by the 100 All-Time greatest issue of EW: Part 2, the TV edition

So, I was reading the letters to the editor section for the next EW issue after the 100 greatest issue, and after reading letter after indignant letter, I'm aware that my husband and I weren't the only people left seething about the their lists. It's not like I was surprised or anything, but it still does the heart good to know that people were as annoyed as we were by their lists.

The interesting part though is if you think Fighting Nun was indignant after the movie portion, you ain't seen nothing yet. Apparently, the TV list made him see red in ways I could not foresee.

Fighting Nun: The Wire is number 1? Who watched The Wire?
Bloody Munchkin: A bunch of people who weren't us? I don't know. It has a pretty devoted fan base.
Fighting Nun: But then its listed in their best drama list and their 10 greatest cult classics? No, that's some bull crap. You can be one or the other not both. By the standard definition of Cult classic, Dr. Who should've top it.
Bloody Munchkin: Yeah, that does seem a bit odd.
Fighting Nun: All in the Family is #6! Are you kidding me? All in the Family?!?! Archie Bunker's racist ass gets under the ten spot and The Cosby Show was 16? Have they lost their minds? Did they even have it to begin with? What is wrong with these dickweeds?
Bloody Munchkin, reaching: I don't know, I guess it appealed to people....
Fighting Nun: And Honeymooners is in the top twenty? That show was only one for a year and was completely boring and it is among the top twenty television shows of all time?
Bloody Munchkin: I don't know. To the Moon Alice was relatable I guess?
Fighting Nun: To who wifebeaters and the codependents that love them?
Bloody Munchkin: I guess so.
Fighting Nun: And the Golden Girls?
Bloody Munchkin: Don't you be talking shit about my Golden Girls. Many a babysitter spent nights learning comic timing from Dorthy Zbornak. You leave her out of this.
Fighting Nun: Fine, but onto my next question, how can shows like Twin Peaks, and My So-Called Life...
Bloody Munchkin: Oh Jesus, here we go again with My So-Called Life...
Fighting Nun (ignores me): And Freaks and Geeks....
Bloody Munchkin: And.... here we go with Freaks and Geeks again....
Fighting Nun (continues to ignore me): How can shows with only one season possibly be on the list?
Bloody Munchkin: Devoted fans?
Fighting Nun: Some small set of rabid fans does not merit a place in the top 100. How did these shows get on? And while I'm at it, how the hell do series that are A) either still on TV or have just finished their runs or b) a series that finished within the last five years on this list. Isn't there some sort of mandatory waiting period shows have to adhere to before they get indoctrinated.  Homeland, Mad Men and Friday Night Lights should be expunged from the list until we've had at least a decade to decide if its good or not in retrospect.
Bloody Munchkin: But you love Breaking Bad and that's pretty high up on the list.
Fighting Nun: Ok, I'll agree with that, but there is no reason absolutely none while Sanford and Sons should be on the list.

TV's 80s Nostalgia Week?

So, I'm pretty slow about this, but did the eighties just have a nostalgia party all over my favorite shows last week? Fighting Nun was gone most of the week, so I didn't watch any of our favorite shows until this weekend and every show we watched felt like one stop after another on the 80s nostalgia tour.

I mean for starters, Bob Newhart KILLED IT on the latest episode of Big Bang Theory. At first, I didn't think he'd work and it felt like he was working too hard or he wasn't working at all, but then his cameo just paid off in spades and I couldn't stop smiling.

And then, AND THEN both Ralph Macchio AND The Zabka (yes I know he has a first name, I just like calling him the Zabka) on How I Met Your Mother? And Zabka had one of the most inspired parts ever. He's the clown at Barney's Bachelor party and then reveals himself in the last minute? Genius people, genius.

But the absolute most genius cameo that made my 80's loving heart soar this week? Booger was the Metatron on Supernatural. I'm just gonna wait for a minute while that statement sinks in. Booger (from Revenge of the Nerds) was Metatron! The guy who won the belching contest is the Word of God (as it should be I think). That might be the most awesome thing ever thought into existence. And he did an incredible job. I hope beyond all things that they bring him back before the end.

And, if you'll allow me, I'd like to talk about Supernatural for a bit. Finally, It's going somewhere and the somewhere it is going is pretty damn awesome. Once they finally left that 'Sam's got a girl in Kermit Texas' business by the wayside, it finally went somewhere. I was about at my wit's end with this season. But now that it has decided to throw out all the stops, I'm quite enjoying myself. Two more episodes ya'll!

If only Mike and Molly had seen fit to have Max Perlich do a cameo, then my 80's loving heart would've truly been all aflutter. 

An especially unimportant rant regarding the latest Supernatural episode

So, apparently the most recent episode of Supernatural bugged me enough that I went on a tirade last night to my husband, while running, which is a feat in and of itself. Said tirade bares repeating.

Bloody Munchkin: So I have a bone to pick regarding Supernatural.
Fighting Nun: We've already talked about the flashbacks!
BM: No not the flashbacks.
FN: Ok then. What about it?
BM: Kermit TX!
FN: What's wrong with Kermit TX?
BM: That they mentioned Kermit TX! This is the second or third show in recent memory* that has used Kermit TX in any kind of capacity and it pisses me off every time they do! (This may take some explaining. I grew up in a town (THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS!) that wasn't Kermit, but was very close to Kermit, thus making Kermit kind of my running grounds. Where I grew up, you had to drive an hour to get to the nearest Wal-mart, the nearest decent mall was an hour and a half away and so basically anything within a two hour driving distance of my hometown is basically home turf. I visited a friend in Kermit like every other weekend of my teenaged life. I had a very serious high school boyfriend from Kermit. I would drive to Kermit just to get my Sonic fix. I am very territorial about said town and its surrounding environment that I get uppity when said turf is featured in pop culture. If you feature my little neck of woods, freaking do it right).
FN: But they are featuring Kermit! What, are you like Romney and suddenly hate Sesame  Street and Big Bird and Kermit now too!
BM: Don't bring Romney into this! And don't invoke Sesame Street! You know I love Sesame Street!
FN: So what's your problem?
BM: That they mentioned Kermit TX but that it wasn't the real Kermit TX. And don't tell me they did. They picked some random house in Toronto or Vancouver or wherever the hell Canada and called it Kermit TX, but if they are going to find some backwoodsy house and call it Kermit, they might as well film in Kermit TX, that's as desolate and remote as they come!
FN: So your problem with a show about two people fighting demons, vampires, and other wackadoo creatures is that there isn't enough location realism?
BM: Yes!  God yes. And another thing? Kermit does not have a veterinary clinic. You need your cat fixed, go to Odessa.
FN: Didn't have a veterinary clinic. You haven't been there in what? A Decade plus? They could have one now.
BM: OK good point, but if it did I seriously doubt it would be occupied by the world's hottest veterinarian.
FN: So what, Sam was supposed to fall for an overweight fifty year old with a hump.
BM: Yes! At least then I'd know for sure Kermit was represented properly!

[* Ed. Note: The one other instance that sticks out in my mind was from Heroes. Hayden's character goes from Midland to Kermit. For the record, their representation of Kermit didn't feel right either. I think there is one more, but I can't quite remember from where.]

 

Random thoughts regarding some TV obsessions

Regarding Elementary

Dear Jonny Lee Miller;

That crush I've had on you ever since Hackers that has made me endure some very crappy movies (Mindhunters anyone?) and some not so successful TV shows (Eli Stone anyone?)? In case you were wondering it is still very much on. Your hairline may wain but my crush on you never will.

Dear Lucy Liu;

That girl crush I've had on you that began for reasons I can no longer remember but was definitely fueled by your ability to wield a samurai sword? Still very much on. Just thought you'd like to know.

Dear Aidan Quinn;

This whole 'Aging professor silver fox' thing your rocking? It's a good look for you. Keep it up. That is all.

Regarding Revenge

Dear Revenge!

I love you! Never leave me again! I need Nolan's fanciful layering and Victoria's bitchface, and both Daniel's and Jack's alcoholism, and Emily's wardrobe and Jennifer Jason Leigh's face of seriousness (or serious collagen injections, I can't tell which)  and... well I don't really need Deckland, Charlotte, or Emily/Amanda (Lisa P) Clark's pregnancy of contrivance. But I'll take them if I can have the rest! And can I go ahead and put odds on Emily/Amanda being the body in The Amanda, the flash forward at the beginning of this season? Cause she's my horse in this dead pool. Just sayin'. Also, Nolan and Emily as housemates? Best. Idea. Ever. I love you show that I have to wait until my husband is out of the house to watch. Never change.

Regarding Supernatural

Uhm, WTF was that last night? I'm still trying to process it all and I'm not sure that I'm very happy about. The flashbacks were chintzy at best and unnecessary in a lot of instances. Sam's flashbacks? Not worth the price of admission. Period. And the best this show can do for Purgatory is some backwoods somewhere? Lame. But not even that can diminish my love of the brothers. They've got an interesting angle of this season, but I don't know if it'll hold. We'll see.

The All Star Problem

So I’m watching Project Runway All Stars the other night, and was pretty much underwhelmed by their line up of “All Stars” for a variety of reasons. One, it felt as if some of the contestants brought back on this season weren’t brought back based on the merits of their design skills or craftsmanship but on their infamy. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of talented designers that should’ve won their respective seasons or placed higher than they did (Mondo, Anthony, here’s looking at you!) But, and I’m sorry about this, there’s no way Sweet P, just based on the merits of her work on her season would’ve ever been picked as an all star, and Alyssa…. Good Lawd Child No! When Heidi Klum herself said you made a model look like she was pooping fabric, you’re aesthetic isn’t where it should be, no? She was picked pretty much on the basis of the fact that she was loopy and made for good trashy television. Now, I don’t know that for sure, and haven’t read any insider dirt to back that up, but writing’s on the wall, ain’t it?

But Project Runway isn’t the only one guilty of stunt-casting from previous seasons. Let’s take a minute to talk about America’s Next Top Model All Stars shall we? As a whole, the season was jam packed with stunt-casted past contestants that were … “very polarizing” is the polite term. Perhaps the better term is the bitchiest bitches to have ever bitched in Bitchville? Bianca, Alexandra, Angelea for crying out Freaking loud. Angelea(who if the internet is to be believed, maybe WON the season of the ANTM all stars but she couldn’t keep her big mouth closed, so they ended up re-taping the finale and giving it to Lisa. Like Really?!?! Allison deserved that title damn it! I’m not bitter. What?), based on her modeling skills in her season, was not an All Star, she was a loud mouth who made an impression, and they make for good trashy TV, but unfortunately, not compelling TV.

And I mean, I get why its casted like that. First of all, the ones who are more character than talent are a brand unto themselves. People, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, are drawn into basket cases, the loud mouths, the wierdos, the bitches (that has been made plainly obvious by the myriad Real Housewives spin offs. Ha!), because they are easy to box up and digest for our viewing pleasure. We know we’re getting kooky when Alyssa comes on the screen and spits on fabric. We know we’re getting bitchy when Bianca waves her hand in the air and does her patented ‘Oh no you di’in’t’ look for the camera. We want our reality TV populated with the jerks, guidos, bitches, and weirdos also because of how easy it is to judge. My favorite thing on this season of ANTM was snarking on Shannon and Alexandra, because it was easy to be dismissive. The harder thing is to look at the characters for more than what gets shown to us. My husband, God bless him, actually liked Alexandra and rooted for her solely because of how vilified she was by the show and the audience, me included. It’s easy to type cast, and it’s easy to portray certain personality traits when you’re only given an hour of time each week to get to know these people.

I also get the allure of All-Star editions versus casting complete unknowns again. Each person you bring back is their own brand, has their own fan-base or has people eager to watch the season just to see a few familiar faces again. It reawakens a plodding series when it needs a new life. I get all that. But sometimes, it’s still not very compelling.

Yet, there’s still plenty of talent that has been on previous seasons that needs to be given a second chance, that if done correctly, could be very compelling. I encourage you to consider that these shows should do a “first-offs” or ‘rejects’ edition, of people who, either by circumstance, or perhaps they didn’t bring their best selves to the game that day, got kicked off too early before we ever got a chance to know them, really find out what they are about. The best example I have is from Project Runway. The first episode out of the gate was the redo of the grocery store challenge and this one guy made a deranged raincoat/dress out of a shower curtain and some picnic table clothes or some such and you could tell he just didn’t bring his all that day. I’d assume if given the chance, he’d love to redeem himself. I’d love to see him try.

I’m sure a lot of ‘first offs’ would be plenty hungry at another shot to prove themselves. Also, I’m pretty sure there would still be more than your fair share of kooks too. But ask yourselves this, what would you rather see, a bunch of hungry competitors, hoping, praying for another shot to prove themselves or a bunch of bloated ‘all-stars’ stretching out their fifteen minutes. Also, I love the underdog aspect of this idea. Imagine if somebody dumped at the beginning of Project Runway’s season came back to win an entire season? How good would that be? That’s some good redemptive arc right there. AmIright? You know I’m right.

My Big Fat Redneck Wedding

As a self-described pop-culture knuckle-dragger, I like to think there aren't too many things out there that are too base for me to watch. I mean, I use to watch Jackass, which I think is in and of itself a hero's trial. But there comes a point where I look at some of the stuff on television and think "That's way beyond, even for me." Last night that theory got tested. So usually Monday nights are kinda packed for me. I mean, I got Prison Break recording on one TV, I'm watching How I Met your Mother and Big Bang Theory on another. I'm contemplating how I might fit in Heroes (But thankfully G4 has taken the worrying out of that equation). But last night I had none of that. Blah-blah-writer's-strike-blah.

Fighting Nun and I were at a loss. He was flipping through channels and happened to stumble upon "My Big Fat Redneck Wedding" on CMT. (Yes, that's how desperate we were.) Which I vetoed. Then I made my famous call to the Chinese Place, then I went and picked up my order, which meant the veto was lifted in my absence. I get back only to realize that not only has Fighting Nun been watching it, he wants to rewind back to the beginning so that I might also bask in its glory. And then he tells me that Tom Arnold is hosting it, which lead to an argument about whether or not Tom Arnold could technically be considered a redneck over egg rolls. I had to finally concede to Fighting Nun's argument that Tom Arnold is truly a redneck. I mean the evidence is truly staggering in Fighting Nun's favor, I couldn't deny.

Then I sat down and watched the show. I have never watched a show that made me feel simultaneously dumb and way smart at the same time. I mean seriously. I know I dropped a few
IQ points just by watching the show but then I felt a whole lot smarter about myself because I know I've had a lot of stupid ideas in my time on this planet but I count myself lucky that outfitting my bridal party in camouflage doesn't happen to be amongst those ideas. Yes, you read that right. The bride-to-be not only outfitted her bridesmaids and groomsmen in camouflage, it was camo she bought at Wal-mart. On top of that, the groom wore a camo tux jacket. Those three words do not go together and yet I saw it with my very own eyes. And I'm not even at the best part yet. Her bridal party got camo pedicures. I'm sitting there, plate of Chinese food in front of me, about to take a bite of Sesame Chicken and then I see the camo pedicures and my mouth drops, I'm not even sure where the piece of sesame chicken I was eating went. I had to literally pick my jaw off my plate and put it back into place.

It was either at this point in the show or earlier, when the groom had his bachelor party which basically involved the groom and his cohorts shooting fireworks at each other, when Fighting Nun looked at me earnestly and said "Do you think Al Queada and Osama watch this and think 'America is fighting the war on terror to preserve that?", which seriously. And this was just the first episode. The second episode was just as mind-boggling but for completely different reasons. The necessity of a wedding dress to have pockets so the bride has some place to put her smokes for one, or a hard and grizzled cowboy going lingerie shopping, which, it really was as good as it sounds.

Somewhere, between the camo wedding and the grizzled cowboy wedding, presided over a minister who was ordained in prison (!), Fighting Nun said "Well, now I know how I'll be spending my time until the writer's strike is over." Which, yeah I don't know. Yes, on the one hand you have the unchecked use of animal taxidermy as wedding decorations (yes, that actually happened) but on the other hand, well you have your own self-preservation to think about. (But I probably will track down the next episode because the trailer for it was so awesome. It had possibly the best line ever, to wit "Come on honey, let's go constipate our marriage." As much as I appreciate writers, no writer would be dumb enough to think of that!) So My Big Fat Redneck Wedding. Come for the ill-advised use of camouflage and Tom Arnold's (surprisingly) fun remarks about the proceedings, but don't stay too long. Your sanity will thank you.

My latest TV obsessions

Before I get started, I know I've been away for awhile. I've been all over the place and yet totally stationary all at the same time. The one constant, it should come to no one's surprise, has been TV. You'd think polishing off the last Harry Potter book would've deterred or curbed my TV enthusiasm in some way (Yes I read it. Yes I loved it. Yes I want to read all seven books altogether again. And, because I am probably required, by law to say this: Yes Fighting Nun, you were right about that thing in the book. You called it. You are a smart, smart man. Now shut up about it.) and it did in some ways. I didn't really pay attention to Monk this week for instance. And, I haven't watched Psych for awhile. I mean, I missed the historic Lou Diamond Phillips's Abs episode (well I haven't it missed it exactly, it's still on Tivo, but anyhoo). But the crap, er I mean, TV I have been keeping up with? Well it adheres to my strict rules of mindlessness, as you might expect. Below is a run down of some of the stuff I'm still watching or have decided to tune into:


1. Ninja Warrior - You should not be surprised at this one, not in the slightest. The funny thing is that even after months of almost total overexposure, what with G4 playing like a bajillion episodes back to back and me watching said episodes in continued rotation, I'd be sick of it. But it's so to the contrary. My love for this show hasn't diminished but has instead blossomed. And it's specifically because this show is more subtle than you might think. There are so many layers to this show, so many carefully planted mini-dramas planted manipulatively that are at work in this show, you might as well be watching a soap opera. I came for the super hard tasks and the wild, bone-crushing eliminations, I've stayed for the carefully planted backstories and profiles. The beauty of the show is the regulars, the guys who have made repeated attempts to best the Ninja Warrior course. Thier repeated attempts and their profile thingies have had a peculiar side effect on me. They've gotten me to care, to care about these strange contestants a half a world away who I wouldn't give a hoot about otherwise. There's Professor Ninja Warrior (who was not on Wikipedia's entry of Ninja Warrior all stars! For Shame) for example, one of my personal faves, a third grade teacher somewhere in Japan who goes on the show to teach his kids by example, or something. His class would show up to the competitions and if he failed, they'd be all distraught and he'd bow to them all "Sorry I failed you", and then I just become a puddle of goo. Then there's the gas station attendant (recently turned Manager!) Shingo Yamamoto who always loses his cap on every stage, and then the crab fisherman turned massage therapist Kazuhiko Akiyama who has a degenerative eye desease (talk about pulling the heartstrings), the only man (that I can recall) every to best the whole Ninja Warrior course.


And then, of course, we have Yamada. Oh Yamada. Never have I seen a more well documented case of sad sackery in all my life. Well, that's not exactly true, a true sad sack does not have six pack abs and can't crack you like a walnut with his forearms, but the picture they paint on this guy isn't pretty. When I first started watching this show, Yamada was Mr. Ninja Warrior, he started talking at schools and everything. But over successive episodes, that guy's back story has been all over the place. At one point he was a propane distributor, at another, a construction worker, and then sadly, he wound up a Hot Dog vendor for a Japanese baseball team. From there, the show seemed to not only document his rather odd string of jobs but briefly highlighted roller coaster with his family the show seemed to document. First his family supports him and is at all the tournaments, then they are a little shamed by his showing, then there was this dramatic reveal in one of the episodes that they weren't showing up at the competition, and supposedly there was a letter he left in which he stated he wasn't a great husband, father or son, but he was a warrior and it was all very melodramatic, and everything was just crazy. And then, to top all that off, his subsequent perfomances have been heart breaking. Wikipedia lists his long line of Ninja Warrior failures better than I can (getting disqualified for wearing gloves. Yeesh!) He is the epitomy of heartbreak and has become an important reason for my continued support of the show. I am compelled to find out what happens. Yamada, don't forsake me!!! Anyhoo, so my point? It's still Me and Ninja Warrior sitting in a tree.... that's how blissful I am.

2. Rock of Love with Brett Micheals - Dude, I know. No, I seriously know. But dude. I've seen some trainwrecks so therefore I know from trainwrecks, but this is a trainwreck. It's a trainwreck, plus a three car collision and apparantly a collegan and silicon plant explosion and I should know better. And yet....


3. Scott Baio is Forty-Five and Single - Speaking of knowing better. I mean yeesh. And this show has no qualms about showing extremes. One second I feel sorry for him, the next second I think he's the biggest douche who ever douched. I mean, he's gotten reamed by his comedian ex-girlfriend who was on stage, he had a woman drive away from him as fast as she could. But then he would either give historic evidence and even evidence in the present tense why he would deserve such treatment and he's back to being a douche.


The one thing I don't not get at all about this show? That he's good friends with Jason Hervey. Jason 'One of my claims to fame is that I had a bit part in PeeWee's Big Adventure forever and a day ago' Hervey. Jason 'I was the most despicable Arnold on Wonder Years' Hervey. I'm just going to say this. Scott Baio and Jason Hervey are two 80's tastes that DO NOT taste well together because Yeesh.


4. The Two Coreys - Speaking of two 80's taste that no longer go well together.... O.k., I admit it. When this show was first proposed, I was seriously kind of psyched. But now that it's here, I'm actually kind of meh about it. That's not exactly true. My emotions roller coaster during this show. One second it's all cheesy goodness and the next its really heartbreaking. Like they already raped and pillaged all the fun loving nostalgia I had for them with bial like Rock and Roll High School Forever and that one utterly dispicable movie Feldman did regarding a post apocolyptic society and a drug war when it was totally obvious he was on drugs, and then that utterly dispicable movie Haim did with Allen Thicke, and then that other utterly dispicable movie he did with Wallace Shawn (Oh Wallace, why did you forsake me that once?). The point isn't to tear the remaining nostalgic love apart but to try and build it up. But if their brainstorming for a possible Lost Boys sequel that was featured on the show is any indication, they are attempting to drop a bomb on it, hoping to explode it to pieces. I mean, o.k. I'm not saying that there isn't room for a sequel, because my little chirpy ass was all excited a few years ago when I had heard of a possible Goonies sequel, so I have relatively little room to talk about not messing with total classic 80's movies, but still. If it's got to be done, it has to be done right. You can't just get The Coreys all amped up and call it a movie. And if we're being honest, the Corey's didn't make that movie. It was everybody else. Sorry. Just get a few of the principles. I'm sure the guy that stole Julia Roberts out from under Keifer needs some work, and what's-her-bucket, Jamie Gurtz needs some work after Still Standing. I know Keifer was killed off in the first one, but bring him back too. It shouldn't be hard. But if there is another Lost Boys only featuring The Coreys? I will seriously bring the hellfire. I'm not sure yet. But seriously.

Oh, and just to set the record straight, even though we're only tangentially on the subject. Haim is the superior of the two Coreys. Don't get me wrong, I love Goonies and always will, but Haim is the better Corey. Fight me on the fact if you must, but I'm with Team Haim, well you know, if I actually have to choose a team....

5. Confessions of a Matchmaker - Thanks Joe R. That is all.

The Valerie Bertinelli Conundrum

Just the other day, Fighting Nun decided to mull over whether or not Britney Spears will actually have a career in the future, after what we shall call The Great Spears Implosion of 2007. It probably could've been a fairly good discussion, had I not invoked Valerie Bertinelli. Here's how the discussion went down:

Fighting Nun: So do you think Britney Spears will have much of a solid career in the future, or is she pretty much a punchline?
Bloody Munchkin: Well, she's got a tour, I think.
Fighting Nun: Yeah, but she's still pretty much a punchline right? I mean, will she actually be able to have a career?
Bloody Munchkin: If the career of Valerie Bertinelli has taught me anything, it's that there is always work on the Lifetime Channel.
Fighting Nun, looking perplexed: Who?
Bloody Munchkin: You know, Valerie Bertinelli.
Fighting Nun: No, I don't. Who is she?
Bloody Munchkin: Valerie Bertonelli. Married Eddie Van Halen. Divorced him not too long ago.
Fighting Nun: Is that her only claim to fame?
Bloody Munchkin: Nooooo. She was.... She did..... There was this thing.... back in the eighties, possibly involving Nell Carter. *
Fighting Nun: Nell who?
Bloody Munchkin: You know, Nell Carter. She had that series back in the eighties, about being a housekeeper, I think, kind of. I don't know.
Fighting Nun: Not helping your case for why I should know these people.
Bloody Munchkin: Leave me alone. I'll look her up and explain why you should know her.

I have since looked up her imdb profile and her wikipedia entry, and I'm no closer to figuring out what she was in that I know her so well from. There was that Cafe Americian tv show that I vaguely remember, but it seems to me, that all my non-vague memories of her have either been attached to references of her like on Best Week Ever or on E! or to snippets of her Lifetime Movie choices. That scene in Saved! where Jena Malone's character is watching a Lifetime movie involving Valerie Bertinelli and Valerie Bertinelli is talking about how she thought she was pregnant and then found out it was cancer and then in the next shot, the Jena Malone's character steals a pregnancy test and is all "Please let it be cancer, please let it be cancer." Yeah, that's the only other grown-up reference I have for her. So, other than her gripping work on Lifetime and her tour de force recurring role on Touched By An Angel, is there an actual reason that I should remember for why Valerie Bertinelli is even a blip on my culture radar? Because I can not for the life of me remember what that might be. Anybody care to help solve this conundrum????

* Side Note: When I mentioned Nell Carter, I was thinking Valerie was somehow involved in Gimme a Break, which yes, I watched. But she was not. However, she and Nell Carter were both involved in Touched By an Angel, which means I was right without actually being right, which wouldn't have mattered anyway because I can categorically say that Fighting Nun had nothing to do with Touched By an Angel back in the day. On another side note: I had no idea Nell Carter died. I was almost convinced she was somewhere out there, plotting her big come back in Gimme a Break Too or Touched by an Angel Again. I am saddened she isn't around to plot her comeback. Rest in peace Nell Carter, Rest in peace. Somewhere, Fighting Nun is reading this and rolling his eyes, thoroughly perplexed at my pop-culture geekery. That's what I'm here for. I'll be her all week. Be sure to tip your waitstaff.

The Silver Spoons Drinking Game Discussion

So yesterday marked a monumentous occasion for me. It probably wasn't momumentous for anyone else, judging by the few confused faces I decided to share the news with, but it was to me. Ready for it? Silver Spoons was released on DVD yesterday. Yes I know! I could hardly handle the news either!!! Silver Spoons on DVD!!! The Train!!! Coming through my television once again!!! Young, cute puffy-cheeked Ricky Schroder on DVD! Not old, craggy, I have to be Sipowitz's bitching post Rick Schoeder!!! Available on DVD!!!

To tell the truth, I'm not totally utterly amped about this. To be honest, thanks to Crazy Micheal Jackson, can we take the plot line of a man who wants so desperately to recapture his youth again, that he has a train put in the house and buys his kid all that his heart desires and all sorts of wackiness ensues seriously? More to the point, can we watch all of this without shuddering?!?! I mean couldn't they have easily repackaged Silver Spoons, put Prince Whatever Jackson in all his masked and face covered glory and call it "My years under the House of Crazy: An Autobiography"? I mean if the creators of the show knew that life would creepily imitate art in the form of Micheal Jackson, they might've done things a leeeeetle differently methinks.

Even though this fact is running rampant in my brain, it has only tempered me, it has not deterred me totally. Because come on. It's Ricky Effing Schroder!!! The first kid to utterly rip out my heart with his tears in that movie where John Voight plays the boxer and Ricky was his son and he dies in the ring and Ricky is in the audience, watching every sad moment, tears streaming down his face. Ripped my heart out people!!! Ripped it still beating from my chest and marvelled at it, that's what his performance did.

And then Silver Spoons! And how there was that one episode where Ricky, I'm sorry, I mean Rick, was crushing on a girl who had a thing for Menudo, which God does that take me back, and so he goes out of his way to get Menudo to show up some place in person where the girl is and he surprises her with the band and she starts screaming and going crazy and yells "I love you Ricky" And then Ricky Schroder gets this beaming smile on his face, with his arms open wide as she's running in his direction, and then she runs straight past him and into the arms of, heh, smirk, Ricky Martin and then Ricky Schroder looks all crestfallen and I wanted to send daggers in that girl's direction. It's Ricky Schroder for Christ Effing Sake, bringing you Effint Menudo because you love them and he's trying to win you over!!! At the very least he deserves a hug. I can't believe I can actually remember a whole Silver Spoons episode with such accuracy. I'm suddenly very ashamed of myself right now. Maybe if I was to recount my favorite Punky Brewster Episode I'd feel better. No, I just feel sad and repentant for my mispent youth. Just kidding. My youth wasn't mispent, not to me anyhow.

I tried explaining all this to Fighting Nun last night and, as could be expected, it met on totally, completely deaf ears to wit:

Bloody Munchkin, effecting a five-year old's voice, bouncing up and down: Uhm, Fiiiiii-eghting Nuuuuun. Guess What. Guess What. Guess What. Guess What.
Fighting Nun, already starting an eye roll: What?
Bloody Munchkin, letting out a large squeal: Silver Spoons was released on DVD today.
Fighting Nun: Oh lord.
Bloody Munchkin, with a look of incredulity: What do you mean oh lord? That is totally awesome!!!
Fighting Nun: You know, I really don't think it'll live up to its nostolgic glory. I'm sorry to say.
Bloody Munchkin, somewhat crestfallen: You're probably right. It probably has not stood the test of time well at all.... Which would make it that more awesome!!! Imagine it! The Silver Spoons Drinking Game!! Somebody could be the train!!! I have to sit down and think up rules for this game right now.*
Fighting Nun, shakes head and leaves room.

Basically, I know I should know better, Fighting Nun knows I should know better, I when push comes to shove, I'll probably know better and not purchase it, but I'll keep it on a list of things I will purchase when I have oodles and oodles of money and can afford not to know any better, right up there with Eerie Indiana and the complete seasons of The Animaniacs on DVD.

*I actually did not compile a list of rules for the Silver Spoons drinking game. Instead I went into the kitchen and cooked dinner. I apologize to anyone who stumbled upon my site under the false pretenses that I actually have compiled said list and have it readily available.