Friday, March 17, 2006

An Open Letter to DirecTV

Dear DirecTV;

I realize we've only been together a short time and I might not be giving this relationship enough of a chance, but I'm starting too have second thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, your a great TV channel service provider, I just don't think you have what it takes to meet my needs the way cable and TiVO met my needs. Yes, true you swept me out of a strange love triangle, but it was a simbiotic love triangle that provided me with so much comfort and joy. And their programs were easy to find and TiVo recorded what I asked it too. I'm not getting the same level of loyalty from you and I'm starting to reevaluate the relationship.

Let's take the last two night for instance. Wednesday night, I asked gently that you record the final episode of Beauty and the Geek for me(Yes, I watch Beauty and the Geek, loyally. I didn't ask for your mocking in the manner, I asked you to record the program for me, which YOU DID NOT! So shut up!). I tried to Watch it last night, and nothing. I either couldn't find where you would store such programming, or you outright refused to record it for me. I thought this was the beginning of a beautiful relationship, so why you running so hot and cold for me?

And then, last night, you leveled me with an act of outright disobediance. You. Would Not. Play Invader ZIM. Would outright not display the show on TV. Look, I know I asked for that channel, I outright saw that channel displayed on my little channel guide thing, which said I would get channel, but you? You didn't not display the channel. You said you were "Trying to Find" the channel, but you would not display the channel. Forgive me for turning into my mother and guilt tripping you, but there is not a lot I ask for in this relationship, (well once I figure out the DVR thing, there will be a lot I will ask from this relationship, one of which will be to record ever episode and rerun of both Made and Pimp My Ride, but baby steps...) but one of those things is to watch Invader ZIM on a regular basis. Tivo didn't mind this, hell, Tivo recorded it without me asking and introduced me to the goodness that is GIR because my Tivo knew that I liked The Tick. You wouldn't even play Invader ZIM, much less record it for me. What am I supposed to think about how you really feel about me?

And another thing, last night, I couldn't sleep and I went to you for support, to be consoled because I was feeling icky and you looked like you were going to be compassionate to my needs, what with being on the exact channel that "My So-Called Life" happened to be on. Yeah, it was the last fifteen minutes of an episode, but it was pure goodness. I mean, Brian Krakow and Jordan Catellano for Christ's Sake. I was consoled, and I was happy, and I thought you really got my needs, but the rest of the hour I spent tooling around, nothing. Well, there was Ice Castles, which totally enthralled me as a kid, but is doing absolutely nothing for me now. (Robbie Benson, where did we go wrong?). But Nothing, I was hoping for another episode of "My So-Called Life" and You said you had "Aah, Real Monsters" to play, but alas with the "Can not find station" crap again, I couldn't watch it.

I just don't know if it's going to work out. You are just not at a level I need you to be. I know you say that I should give it time, but the Tivo/Cable relationship, as strange as it is, is looking more and more appealing. Just don't make me regret this big change I made. That's all I'm asking.


The Bloody Munchkin.

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