Monday, March 13, 2006

Twelve Things I Realized After Seeing Ultraviolet

  1. Anything, and I do mean anything, can be made better by the presence of William Fichtner. I am absolutely convinced of this. I can't substantiate this claim with real proof at the moment, but I'm convinced I'd watch an opening of a landfill if he was present, just because he is that freaking cool.
  2. I am absolutely convinced that there is some rule about sci-fi movies that there absolutely has to be tight vinyl in at least 3/4 of the movie in order to make it a believable sci-fi movie, which I utterly do not understand because, we have vinyl and latex in the present, but we have the presence of mind not to wear it absolutely all the time, so what gives? What, in the future we're all going to be "Let's where impossibly sticky and hot vinyl"? Sure whatever.
  3. Milla Jovavich has a nice ass. I'm jealous.
  4. The kid in that movie is starting to creep me out. I mean Dakota Fanning level creep me out. I mean, first of all, that kid is starting to be in like everything and secondly he's trying too hard to be preternaturally ... something. I don't know. The kid just wigs o.k.
  5. Another rule of sci-fi happens to be that vampires are stupid. Sure, they were called hemo-phages or what the hell ever, but seriously.
  6. "You cannot have a yankable ponytail in a chicken fight." You think in the future, your average henchman would, you know, get that. But apparantly not.
  7. Any bad movie (with the exception of "Dude, Where's my Car?") can be made better when you are under the influence. Two cape cods and that movie when up a letter grade. It was a C- but with a little drinkage in my system, and being able to laugh at the dialog, it became a B- easy.
  8. "It is on" "Oh Yes. It is on." is the new "You got served."
  9. The bad guy in this movie, not so convincing. I don't know. He is just not bad enough. He's menacing and kinda creepy, but he's obviously way too Howard Hughesian about the germs and all. I'd just be around him when my allergies were bad and watch him have a germaphobic fugue and pass out. Easy enough..
  10. All your armies of darkness or mal-intent or whatever, especially if they are robots and especially if they are ROBOTS MADE OF GLASS are easily destroyable, and you are an idiot for building them.
  11. Anything, ANYTHING (even this pile of crap) can be made better by the presence of William Fichtner.
  12. Did I mention that William Fichtner can make your movie better?

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