Internet Intern Wanted

Alternate titles for this post include:

Internet Tutor Needed.

OR

Hey you, nerdy teenager with impeccable computer skills and no social life! Yeah You! I have a job for you.

Here's the thing. When it comes to this internet thing, I could use some guidance, or more like a swift kick in the but in the right direction or directions I should be pursuing when it comes to this internet stuff. Because its not stuff I'm automatically going to seek out on my own. I mean, how long have I had this blog and how long did it take me to embed a freaking video?

And that? Was easy, but it was still something I was timid about doing for about a bajillion reasons, because what if I embedded and it broke, and how would I fix and .... blah-blah-blah-I'm-a-neurotic-techno-weenie cakes.

And of that one thing that I attempted, there's about a million things I have not attempted because I just don't know enough about it  and am timid enough not to seek these things out on my own. Here's a list of things that I want to know:

• Uhm, how exactly do I set up an RSS feed, and should I really? I mean, the websites I read daily, well I just go there, but is RSS an easier way to keep up with it all? And how... do I do that... exactly?
• Tweet Deck, Hoot Suite? Any of those things? Worth using and signing up for? And if so, how do I use them? What's the proper way to use them?
• I've never used a photo-posting service on Twitter. How do I do that exactly and which one should I use? 
• Edited to Add: Anybody know how to create lists in twitter so that my timeline isn't so crammed all the time? I thought I heard that you can customize lists into categories and put certain users in them so that they aren't automatically viewed in your timeline. This would be immensely helpful, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Any ideas on getting it done would be mightily appreciated.
• Lockerz, what exactly is the point and should I sign up?
• Spotify, better than Pandora? Should I look into it?
• What the hell is Klout and should I sign up?
• I still don't have a Facebook page? Should I bite the bullet already and sign up?
• Is Pinterest worth my time or is the rage over and done and has everybody moved on to something else?
• Is there really a point to Four-square that I should know about?

And these are just the questions off the top of my head. For every one I just came up with, there's probably another ten I can't recall. And these are questions that time has told me I'm not necessarily going to answer for myself on my own. I mean, embedding video took me how long???? Seriously.

So what I want is some enterprising young youth to lead me around the internet by the bullring and show me what's worth my time/what ain't and how to set up and run the stuff that is worth my time. Otherwise I'll probably stay in the self-inflicted dark ages.

Any answers to these questions? Care to shed a little light on my internet usage dilemma's? Have a son or daughter who needs an eager reference? Cause I could use the help. Beuller? Beuller? Frye????