Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Screw you Roomba for making me a better Housekeeper

Alternate Titles include:

Don't eat that Flip-Flop Roomba!

50 more ways to entertain your daughter/annoy your dog!

Sorry you're choking on mountains of Dog Hair Roomba!

So my husband got a Roomba for his birthday via my in-laws. My Brother-in-law and Mother-in-law went halvesies on the birthday gift. I'm trying not to read too much into what they think of my cleaning/housekeeping skills by giving him this. I guess it really would've been a pointed statement if they had waited for my birthday.

It's become a point of interest for my daughter because now suddenly there's something underneath the entertainment center that wasn't there before and it's shiny and it has buttons and if the big button gets pressed, it moves!

Now that she's crawling, anything that moves has her moving and it could turn into sheer pandemonium pretty easily. Thankfully or unfortunately, depending on how wicked your sense of humor is, there haven't been any dog/baby/roomba entanglements. We mainly run the roomba when she's at daycare and the dog is upstairs in the bedroom. If the roomba could walk-up/clean the stairs, the dog would really be in trouble, but that ain't happening (much to my shagrin. After the metric ton of dog poop I've had to pick up off the floor lately, the dog could use with some annoyance).

But the thing about the roomba is I now have to pick stuff off the floor now, like on a daily basis. And this simply will not do. I'm a member of the fraternal order of Sloth and I try to do as little of that as possible. I pick up around the house once a month and that's mainly right before the maids get here because if I don't they tend to put my stuff in weird places where I can't find it. But now, thanks to the Roomba, I'm forced to pick up random toys, the blanket, shoes and anything lying around on the floor, because if I don't things will happen.

I forgot my flip-flops on the floor this morning and dropped downstairs to get cereal/check Roomba's progress and as soon as I did I watched the roomba put the moves on my flip-flops. A lot of bumping and grinding was involved. So now I have to put my flip-flops in a place where the roomba can't get at them, protecting them like a father tries to protect his teenage daughter's virginity. No flip-flops you can not see Roomba again. He wants to do untoward things to you!

So screw you Roomba for making me do housework before you can do actual housework for me! I'd wish a metric ton of dog hair on you, but apparently you're already picking that up off my floor, so.... thanks?

The other thing that I can't get over is how completely without purpose it's meanderings look, It'll be stuck in corner, humping the furniture for what feels like ages and then all the sudden it'll shoot across the middle of the floor. I'd heard about this, but I always thought there was a purpose, a point, and right now I'm still not seeing one other than to give the Roomba a new perspective. 

We're still trying to name the roomba because we figure if its doing chores it should have a name. I suggested RoomBob but then quickly had to take it back because I don't want to step on Sars' toes. I tried convincing my husband that it should be Room-Benedict Cumberpatch, but he didn't get the reference or the joke, so I'm at a loss. I'm considering naming him Humpy given that it humps and bumps everything in sight, but I'm not sold. Feel free to drop any naming suggestions in the comments. If you don't I'll take it as a sign that I should feel free to name him Humpy.

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