Thursday, April 06, 2006

Gum on my shoe

So, I've got gum on my shoe. I'm not sure how it happened, but it happened. It happened earlier in the week actually, but now it's making it's presense known to me. I've also got gum on my car floor mats, because of the gum on my shoe which means that I can't put my left foot certain places when I'm driving, which is consequently the foot with the shoe that has gum on it. My life is one gummy nightmare and I want to wake up. Reason # 232 why I HATE gum. HATE IT! With a fiery passion that is usually reserved for boy bands and Kenny G albums Hate it! I hate gum so much I'd rather listen to said boy bands have a medley featuring Kenny G while I'm getting a brazilian wax by monkeys than chew a piece of gum. Gah! Hate! Evil! Gah! Someday I'll explain the other 231 reasons I hate gum, but for now I'd like to talk about the evils of gum as it relates to my footwear, because...

My poor shoe. It deserves better than this. Seriously. The kicks I'm wearing today are these awesome brown suede and pink leather Pumas I got last February and have held up like champs. I mean, they've been put through the ringer and have held up magnificently. They've survived many a beer-drenching concert, several rainy outings, a trip to Vegas and several packings. And now the guys (Yes, my shoes are guys, The lefty is named Larry and the righty is named Ralph. Like you don't name your shoes. You don't? Oh, well, nevermind) have gum on them. And the gum has gone from the wierd pink-white color it was originally (at least that's my assumption) to the horrendous grey-black color that is faintly tar-like in color and is just evil. Not just evil, eveeeel (Insert Mike Meyers' annunciation from So I Married and Axe-Murderer here). I tried cleaning it with soap and water in the bathroom, but without much luck, which means I have the cleanest gummy sticky spot on my shoe in town. But it is totally annoying. Everywhere I step I feel my shoe slightly stick to the ground, and I vaguely hear that "crk, crk" noise like velcro being smushed together and pulled apart over and over again. HATE! Hatey-Hate-Hate! Just, Grrrrrrrrrrr.Evil (Insert Inarticulate Hate Gurgle Riiiiiiiight Here). I know Larry and Ralph will survive this as they have many other trials and tribulations I've put them through, but they shouldn't have to deal with the sticky evilness that is gum.

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