Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Stop Interrupting My Dreams!

So for the last couple days now, the little munchkin has been getting up a little earlier than usual, and because I don't want to enforce this behavior, I'll give her a bottle but once she's done, I'll put her back to bed and try to get another hour of shut-eye before we all get going.

This has turned out to be a mistake. Apparently when I go back down for another hour, that's when my REM sleep wants to take place, so I'm usually in the middle of an epic dream by the time we need to get up in earnest, which means I will fight getting up at any costs. But I can't help it. It's a weird dream. I need closure damn it.

Why, Logan, what are you doing in my dreams? via
Take yesterday morning for example. I was sort of dreaming a movie up in my head with who I initially thought was Wentworth Miller but upon further introspection I'm pretty sure is Logan Marshall-Green. Although, maybe it's a weird mesh of the two, like what would happen if the two of them had an illegitimate child together and he grew up to be all fit and gorgeous. Anyhoo, Logan/Wentworth or Loganworth if you will, was on a magical quest with some buddies when he's stopped by a big burly viking. I'm talking the dad from Brave, the dad from How to Train Your Dragon, and the Scotsman from Samurai Jack all rolled into one. (Although, now that I've had a lot more time to think about it, the viking dude looked a whole lot like the goons in Tangled, but that's not even here nor there.) The viking dude is blocking a path that Loganworth wants access to. There's some witty banter back and forth and I know things are about to get good when suddenly, "Bloody Munchkin." Nudge. "Sweetheart." Nudge. Tug at covers. Nudge. "Time to wake up."

The world's coolest Scotsman? I think so. Via

"Uhhhhhhh," I answer back. I wish my husband understood Sleepingese because he's know that 'Uhhhhh' translated to: 'I'm about to watch an epic fight scene! Five more minutes!' But he doesn't understand Sleepingese so he takes that as a sign that needs to do more prodding and poking. Apparently the adage  'let sleeping dogs lie' has no bearing on his life whatsoever. Then he proceeds to try and strip the covers off me until I wake up. So, to sum up, I don't get to finish my dream, I'm woken up in one of rudest ways possible, short of getting water dumped on my person, and I have to wake up my fifteen month old and get stink eye from her in the process. Banner morning. If I do say so myself.

This morning he was even more maniacal. He tried waking me during the middle of a dream I can't even remember because he woke me up in the middle of it! It felt pretty good. It probably was pretty good, but I really don't know because I was woken up! He wanted me to get the munchkin who was awake, but I was not to be stirred I even said "Uhhhhhh", hoping in vain that he'd learned Sleepingese since yesterday (Spoiler Alert: He didn't). In a devious move, he brought the little munchkin in. And she stops being busy for no man or woman. She proceeded to twist and turn and crawl and squeal, and thwap and kick me with reckless abandon until I finally got up. What's worse as I couldn't even growl at her that I needed five more minutes because she really could care less.

It's really maddening. I mean all I need is five more minutes to have some sort of dream closure and nobody in this house seems to want to give it to me! I would pay cash money just to see one of my dreams through to a conclusion before I wake up. My whole kingdom for a complete REM cycle! Until then, don't mind me, I'll just be trying to sleep through a slapping munchkin and and nudging husband hoping to have an exciting conclusion to the 'Loganworth vs. The Viking' dream. I just need to see them fight. It's gonna be good! Come on!

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