I kid with this title, well with the latter, not with the
former. I totally intend to review four movies, but there will be no funeral
that I need attend or review, at least none that I know of for the present
moment, knock on wood.
So yeah, I saw four movies this weekend and one of them
didn’t involve OnDemand and actually involved my butt in a theatre seat for the
first time in six months. I know, exciting. I’ma review them from my most favorite to
my least.
Iron Man 3 – You know the broad strokes by now. I mean, the
movie’s been out for awhile, and the internet doesn’t have a filter, so you
likely have run into a movie review or two by now. I’ll spare you the
longwinded review (especially since I no longer have a movie bladder and had
a large diet coke so I had go to the bathroom twice and I’m missing big chunks
of the movie…I know. Sorry for the overshare) and boil it down to brass tacks: 1)
James Badge Dale is
as awesome as advertised. 2) Even more awesome than him was Ben Kingsley and
the bait and switch going on with his character. Freaking genius! 3) Even more
awesome than THAT was
Dale Dickey in the world’s tiniest/most awesome cameo. She
deserved better than that bit part ya’ll. She rocked it, but still. She’s
starting to stack up
Beth Grant levels of admiration in me. She deserves all
the parts ever. 4) And the most awesome of all?
That Kid. Jesus that kid was
freaking perfect in every way. I just wanted to pick him up, tuck him in my
pocket and take him home. The back and forth with RDJ was so much fun. I
could’ve used a whole m
ovie of that with fifteen more minutes of Dale Hickey. B+
Killing Them Softly – I talked the hubbie into this one
mostly on the strength of
My New Plaid Pants’ review, because he is my bell
weather for all things movies/pop culture. And he was not wrong. I thoroughly
enjoyed this one, because it was perfect showcase for all sorts of character
actors, and a lot of them came out of nowhere. I mean
Max Casella! Max 'Newsies' Casella! He had a perfect
scene, but I was distracted trying to figure out who he was and it came to
almost as violent as the kick in the ribs he delivered on poor Ray Liotta. But
there was a lot of talking that didn't got anywhere, which I understand is part of the point, but it was distracting nonetheless. James Gandolfini's role seemed
pointless and didn’t go anywhere. I could’ve used 30 more minutes of Brad Pitt
and Richard Jenkins just talking in a car over his little pointless insertion into the
movie. I understand that his presence was to flip things around, to be that one thread that never went anywhere, but you know what really would've flipped things around? Scoot McNairy shirtless, alot, for no reason. There, problem solved. Also, Scoot McNairy has got to become a band name somehow. The Scoot
McNairys? The McNairy Scoot? Scoot his McNairys? Okay, I know I’m reaching, but
the band would be almost as cool as the guy himself.
B
Jack Reacher – I should’ve subtitled this post Richard
Jenkins film festival, because this was the second movie this weekend I watched
with him in it. And let me just state that Richard Jenkins is never the wrong answer. I almost always smile when he's on screen. But with that said, I liked this role the least of the two, not that it matters,
because he was barely in it. Who was in it was Tom Cruise, in yet another
installment of Tom Cruise the movie, which is not a bad way to spend two hours
especially if those two hours also include Micheal Raymond-James (yum!), Jai Courtney
(double yum! Although, with all the Die Hard jokes we were making, poor Jai can't win for losing), Rosamund Pike, a creepy Werner Herzog, and Robert Duvall at his craggiest, which for the
record, is how I like my Robert Duvall. But the mystery, while resolved, just
kind of stayed a mystery in that the motivation for the bad guy was never fully
explained. It might just be me, but I needed more resolution than that. B-
Red Dawn – Jesus with this movie. I mean, Lord was this movie not
good. It wasn’t horrible, and it did seem to have a sense of itself, what it
was trying to be, but what it was trying to be was mediocre to begin with. And
I can’t fault the actors, well I can’t fault most of them. Hemsworth tried and pretty much carried the movie the entire time. And
I can never dislike Hutcherson in a role, even if that role and the movie he’s
in is terrible (Cirque Du Freak, I’m looking at you), but he didn't even have a part to sink his teeth into. But
Josh Peck! Gawd! And
I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I saw The Wackness and I
liked it, I even liked him in it, fercryingoutloud which is not something I
thought I could do in regards to the kid who played Robe (yes, I’ve seen
Max Keeble's Big Move, multiple times, without kids. Shut up! I don’t need to explain
my art to you Warren!). But he was so over-matched in just about every way in
this movie as to make the whole thing laughable. And there were so many dead
plot threads, they probably equaled the number of dead bodies they created in
the movie. It was ridiculous. I could go on and on, about its many flaws, and
definitely its implausibilities, but what’s the point? I’ll just say that I’ve
never been happier to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan show up in a movie in my life.
Now, what that says for the movie is up to interpretation. C-
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