Thursday, August 17, 2006

Master of the Flying Guillotine

Why didn't somebody tell me about this movie!!! Once again, the mighty internet proves it is not omnipotent because it did not clue me into the awesomeness of this movie. I didn't get to see the whole thing last night, but what I did see? Totally Awesome! I mean absurdly awesome. Like "No way did that just happen!" Awesome. Like I totally have to see it again Awesome!

I mostly have to see it again because I kept only seeing bits and pieces. I kept running errands and then Xanthia called and there were all these distractions that kept me from the awesomeness, which is sad really because, did I say Awesome already? And then Fighting Nun would tell me about the awesomeness of the parts I missed, which went something like this.

Fighting Nun: You missed it.
Bloody Munchkin: What?
FN: So the blind dude came in the guillotine hat thing and rolled some heads.
BM: He did? Was it bloody?
FN: Oh yeah.
BM: Rewind! Rewind. I wanna see.
FN: Uhm. I can't I turned it to the game.
BM: YOU TURNED IT TO THE GAME? When there was awesome bloody beheading involving a guillotine HAT THING? How could you? HOW COULD YOU? (I think I get over invested in Kung Fu movies really)

This same scene played itself out a couple of more times:

BM: So what happened with the guys on the poles?
FN: Oh it was awesome. The one guy did this move and then the other guy did this other move and then the one guy got impaled on the swords below the sticks.
BM: He did? I wanna see!
FN: Uhm. You can't. I change...
BM: The channel. You bastard.
FN: I'm sorry.
BM: *sigh* It's o.k. *under breathe* making me miss awesome impalings. Damn You.

And again:

BM: So why is the blind guy with the awesome mustache after the one armed dude who is actually two-armed but is trying to act like he's one armed?
FN: It was all explained in a flash back that you missed.
BM: I missed a flashback?

A few moments later:

BM: Is this a flashback?
FN: No. You'll know that their flashbacks cause their filmed all in red.
BM: I missed red flashbacks. Man I missed all the good stuff.
FN: Yes. Yes you did. Sorry.

So now I'm dieing to see the movie in all its entirety, not just because of wanting to watch the scenes I miss but also to revel in the several things that I did see, which are:
  1. The awesome tournament fighting scenes involving a wide array of colorful characters. I'm watching this whole tournament thing going: "Aw, that's where Dragon Ball Z got it from. Damn!" I especially like watching the fight scene with the other one armed guy because it on frame you can actually see the arm he was trying to hide. Which is absurdly awesome drinking game material.
  2. The Camera Angles of Drunkeness - I haven't seen that much camera careening since the last season of the Amazing Race! 'Nuf Said.
  3. The Awesome Foley Team - The Foley team for this movie worked its ASS off. Man. There were sound effects for moves punches and kicks that didn't even hit anything. And every sound had a cumulutive effect just short of making your ears bleed.
  4. The great overdub we've all come to know and love. I don't think much needs to be said about that.
  5. The firehouse scene. I don't want to give too much away, but that's some coldhearted shit to do to mothafucka is all I'm gonna say. Cause really.
  6. The one armed protagonist. Different from the one armed guy in the tournament scene, all sorts of cheesy wonderous glory.
  7. The coffin shop scene. Again, don't wanna give too much away, but I must say I'm amazed that the whole axe-spring-loading coffin lids thing is soo ingeneous I'm amazed it hasn't been raped and pillaged by some hollywood hacks ad nauseum. I'm glad it hasn't though, that way this movie isn't diminished in any way.
  8. The badass blind guy with the mustache of glory and the hat-guillotine thing to match. I have to ask what the swastika symbol on his robe was about? Because What? I mean this film was filmed in 1975, and yet it was still part of his wardrobe. It would confound and kind of depress me if I stopped to think about it, but thankfully this movie didn't give me time to ponder the costume choice because I was too busy paying attention to his eyebrows and his nose twitching.

So. Uhm that's all I got, until I see the movie again. Because. SOOOOO Awesome. And this time I'll be damned if Fighting Nun changes the channel!!!

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