There are times in my life where I just wish everything was recorded for prosperity. Like I was able to capture some of the rando conversations I've had because some of it is just so bizarre or some of it is just comedy gold that it deserves to be preserved.
Last night, my best friend Xanthia called and we spent a good hour on about three different phone calls bitching and laughing and dissing people we know and generally having a good time, which yes, the way we have a good time is by making fun of people we know. We became best friends in high school. That's where the source of our friendship comes from, high school bitchery. That's how we roll. Don't judge. You know you do it too, or secretly want to. Don't lie. Love the playa. Hate the game. But that's not the point.
The point is, that whole hour of conversation was comedy gold. It was perfection. And I wish I could transcribe it here, but I can't. Partly because I haven't asked Xanthia's permission and partly because most of it is now lost to history.
Here's a recap though: It started with me insulting Xanthia's on-again off-again paramore who from now on we'll call Ren-faire Jerk, with an awesome line along the lines of "Tell him to go lick a Meth addict. He seems to enjoy it", then it veered off with me realizing that Ren-faire Jerk was actually in the room with Xanthia so then I felt shamed. From there it went on to postulating the the apocolypse is upon us with several different end-of-days calamities come to life. "She wants to date hiiiiiiimmmm? Yeah. Time to head for the hills. The end of days is niegh." About then, Xanthia got kicked out of Ren-Faire Jerk's apartment (Long Story) so then we bitched about Ren-Faire Jerk long and hard. Somewhere around then, I admitted my obsession with "Who Wants to be a Superhero" which led into a discussion or Ren-Faire Jerk's fascination with the show. He and I like the same things? *Shudder* But admittingly I like the show because of how cheesy and lame it is, which I'll get to in a future post, hopefully, and he likes it because he wants to TRY OUT for the show. Which lead to the conjuring up of a Who Wants to be a Superhero drinking game. Except the drinking game would be centered around Ren-Faire Jerk's reaction to the show. "RFJ mentions the type of Super-hero he'd be if he was on the show - 1 shot. RFJ describes the type of outfit he'd wear for tryouts - 2 shots. RFJ describes in detail the type of sidekick you should become - forget the shot, drink the bottle." Somewhere along the line, we veered into talking about the Sumo Wrestling event that happened here and how I DID NOT GET TO SEE IT! No Sumo Wrestlers for me! How upsetting is that? We made a pact that the next time Sumo Wrestling came to town, I'd fly her out here and we'd go see it and then go directly to Wine Country where we would procede to slosh our way through a wine tour. We don't care which one. We're not picky really. Then there was some bolstering of self-esteem in there somewhere. "It's not that you're a loser who can't keep a man Xanth, it's that, out in the weeds of New Mexico, there's nobody of a caliber enough to hang with you. You told a lawyer "Let's Dance Cowboy." IN COURT. You're too much woman for the boys there to handle is all." "Yeah, that's right. I am!" There was some funky conversations about Ernie Reyes Jr. in there and me telling her she had to see Final Fu immediately as well. The conversation only ended because we killed her cell phone battery.
Doesn't sound funny? Maybe not. But I'm telling you. There were some bits in there that were comic GENIUS. Genius I tell you. Which makes me wish I had recorded the whole thing for posterity. Earth Shattering Material there folks. So here's wishing that the next time Xanthia and I have one of our long conversations, I either commit it to memory better or record it, cause it's great. Love you Xanth! Call again anytime!