Random Morning Commute Topic

Becuase Fighting Nun and I have had to car pool right now, we've ended up having some strange discussions. This morning's went something like this:

Fighting Nun: You need to have a coffee pen name.
Bloody Munchkin: A what?
FN: A name you can put on your coffee order.
BM: I don't understand.
FN: You need to come up with a name to put on your coffee order.
BM: Is this because you're tired of me using your name, because we both know it's easier because if I give them my name, I'm gonna have to spell it, and then their gonna look at me all wierd and then I have to do that eye roll that tries to convey "Yes I know the spelling and the name don't match, my parents are hippies that thought giving their daughter a strange name would be fun" in less than a split second...
FN: I'm not saying use your name. I'm saying come up with some name, other than mine to put on your coffee order.
BM: Like what?
FN: I don't know, Cat or something. And then you could like use it as one of your aliases, like if you ever write a book and stuff.
BM: Cat?
FN: I don't know, it's just a suggestion.

Fifteen minutes and a dance in my car seat to the tune of Morningwood's Nth Degree, and we came back to the topic.

BM: So, like how complicated should the coffee pen name have to be?
FN: Not very.
BM: Because I have Evanka on the brain.
FN: Fifteen minutes and the best you can come up with is Evanka?
BM: I don't know. I've had like five hundred other thoughts, most of which revolve around the fact that One Tree Hill sucked last night.
FN: Hey, you're the one who wanted to watch it.
BM: I know, I know. Well, what other names?
FN: I don't know. I'm kinda liking Cat. Short for Catarina. You could pull off a Catarina I think.
BM: It does seem to be the dark horse doesn't it.
FN: Dark horse? It's the only horse we've come up with.

Ten more minutes elapse...

BM: Angelina?
FN: Maybe...

A few more minutes...

BM: Violet.
FN: I don't know...
BM: Violet Benderspink. Violet Benderspink the Third. I kinda like that as my coffee pen name.
FN: Violet. Benderspink. The Third. Hold on. What? VIOLET. BENDERSPINK. THE THIRD? The hell?
BM: Well, not that I can't pull off the Russian Spy persona that handing off the name requires, but.
FN: Persona?
BM: Well, I mean, don't you have to assume a Russian Spy name if you're assuming the name of Cat?
FN: You aren't assuming a whole other persona to put down a FREAKING name on a paper cup!
BM: But if I'm using the pen name to write a book, then I'd have to give the person writing the book a whole other persona, thus Violet Benderspink the third. I think I could pull her off really well.
FN: O.k. first off, do you really want to give your "persona" a last name that sounds like sphincter?
BM: Heh. Sphincter. Good point, she was probably teased alot in school.
FN: O.k. Heh. But, not the point. The point is you're making a whole other persona TO ORDER COFFEE.
BM: Hey, this was your idea...
FN: Which you've taken to a wierd, wierd place. *Pats shoulder, rolls eyes*

The subject was then summarily dropped, not to be spoken about for the rest of the trip. But I'm convinced this topic is still open. Its Coffeegate people!

She said, he said

She Said "Damn it, it doesn't have to be all or nothing all the time!"
He Said "See, that's why I like anal sex and you don't!"

Second Best Music Video. Ever!!!

I am serious. The genius of this song and video is only eclipsed by Aha's "Take On Me" (You can argue with that contention all you want. But resistence is futile. "Take On Me" is the best music video ever. Keep argueing if you want to but you'll see things my way.)

But this video is in the running. I mean, it has everything. The bad powder blue tuxes, Intel look-alike dudes, girls in skimpy Robert Plant "She's Addicted to Love"/Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls" hybrid outfits, which are so sluttily awesome that only Sir-Mix-Alot's "Baby Got Back" video had more sluttily awesome clothes, the disco ball. Which, can I just stop for a sec and explain how underused the disco ball is in music videos. I'm serious. It is way underutilized, and I, for one, want it used more widely in music videos. No, really. If you have a music video in which you instruct me to shake my groove thang, or my ass, or my moneymaker, I better know you're serious. And the best way to do that? Put a Disco-Motherfucking-ball right smack in the middle of it bitches!!! That's how.

I lurve this video. Since FIghting Nun, who is the epitomy of cool, sent this to me, I have listened to and partially watched this video new fewer than 2394 times and I plan to watch it many more time. The Pen Fifteen Club. Makers of the Second Best Music Video. Ever.

An Open Letter to DirecTV

Dear DirecTV;

I realize we've only been together a short time and I might not be giving this relationship enough of a chance, but I'm starting too have second thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, your a great TV channel service provider, I just don't think you have what it takes to meet my needs the way cable and TiVO met my needs. Yes, true you swept me out of a strange love triangle, but it was a simbiotic love triangle that provided me with so much comfort and joy. And their programs were easy to find and TiVo recorded what I asked it too. I'm not getting the same level of loyalty from you and I'm starting to reevaluate the relationship.

Let's take the last two night for instance. Wednesday night, I asked gently that you record the final episode of Beauty and the Geek for me(Yes, I watch Beauty and the Geek, loyally. I didn't ask for your mocking in the manner, I asked you to record the program for me, which YOU DID NOT! So shut up!). I tried to Watch it last night, and nothing. I either couldn't find where you would store such programming, or you outright refused to record it for me. I thought this was the beginning of a beautiful relationship, so why you running so hot and cold for me?

And then, last night, you leveled me with an act of outright disobediance. You. Would Not. Play Invader ZIM. Would outright not display the show on TV. Look, I know I asked for that channel, I outright saw that channel displayed on my little channel guide thing, which said I would get channel, but you? You didn't not display the channel. You said you were "Trying to Find" the channel, but you would not display the channel. Forgive me for turning into my mother and guilt tripping you, but there is not a lot I ask for in this relationship, (well once I figure out the DVR thing, there will be a lot I will ask from this relationship, one of which will be to record ever episode and rerun of both Made and Pimp My Ride, but baby steps...) but one of those things is to watch Invader ZIM on a regular basis. Tivo didn't mind this, hell, Tivo recorded it without me asking and introduced me to the goodness that is GIR because my Tivo knew that I liked The Tick. You wouldn't even play Invader ZIM, much less record it for me. What am I supposed to think about how you really feel about me?

And another thing, last night, I couldn't sleep and I went to you for support, to be consoled because I was feeling icky and you looked like you were going to be compassionate to my needs, what with being on the exact channel that "My So-Called Life" happened to be on. Yeah, it was the last fifteen minutes of an episode, but it was pure goodness. I mean, Brian Krakow and Jordan Catellano for Christ's Sake. I was consoled, and I was happy, and I thought you really got my needs, but the rest of the hour I spent tooling around, nothing. Well, there was Ice Castles, which totally enthralled me as a kid, but is doing absolutely nothing for me now. (Robbie Benson, where did we go wrong?). But Nothing, I was hoping for another episode of "My So-Called Life" and You said you had "Aah, Real Monsters" to play, but alas with the "Can not find station" crap again, I couldn't watch it.

I just don't know if it's going to work out. You are just not at a level I need you to be. I know you say that I should give it time, but the Tivo/Cable relationship, as strange as it is, is looking more and more appealing. Just don't make me regret this big change I made. That's all I'm asking.

Love;

The Bloody Munchkin.

Phil Collins and His Wife are splitting...

There's a joke in here somewhere about Phil spending way too much time at the GBC clubhouse, but I can't quite put it altogether. Let's just hope he didn't divorce her by fax this time...

New Holiday?

I didn't know this was a new holiday. I'm sure Fighting Nun is creating a petition right now to make this a national holiday. Can I claim religious differences so I won't have to observe it?

Twelve Things I Realized After Seeing Ultraviolet

1. Anything, and I do mean anything, can be made better by the presence of William Fichtner. I am absolutely convinced of this. I can't substantiate this claim with real proof at the moment, but I'm convinced I'd watch an opening of a landfill if he was present, just because he is that freaking cool.
2. I am absolutely convinced that there is some rule about sci-fi movies that there absolutely has to be tight vinyl in at least 3/4 of the movie in order to make it a believable sci-fi movie, which I utterly do not understand because, we have vinyl and latex in the present, but we have the presence of mind not to wear it absolutely all the time, so what gives? What, in the future we're all going to be "Let's where impossibly sticky and hot vinyl"? Sure whatever.
3. Milla Jovavich has a nice ass. I'm jealous.
4. The kid in that movie is starting to creep me out. I mean Dakota Fanning level creep me out. I mean, first of all, that kid is starting to be in like everything and secondly he's trying too hard to be preternaturally ... something. I don't know. The kid just wigs o.k.
5. Another rule of sci-fi happens to be that vampires are stupid. Sure, they were called hemo-phages or what the hell ever, but seriously.
6. "You cannot have a yankable ponytail in a chicken fight." You think in the future, your average henchman would, you know, get that. But apparantly not.
7. Any bad movie (with the exception of "Dude, Where's my Car?") can be made better when you are under the influence. Two cape cods and that movie when up a letter grade. It was a C- but with a little drinkage in my system, and being able to laugh at the dialog, it became a B- easy.
8. "It is on" "Oh Yes. It is on." is the new "You got served."
9. The bad guy in this movie, not so convincing. I don't know. He is just not bad enough. He's menacing and kinda creepy, but he's obviously way too Howard Hughesian about the germs and all. I'd just be around him when my allergies were bad and watch him have a germaphobic fugue and pass out. Easy enough..
10. All your armies of darkness or mal-intent or whatever, especially if they are robots and especially if they are ROBOTS MADE OF GLASS are easily destroyable, and you are an idiot for building them.
11. Anything, ANYTHING (even this pile of crap) can be made better by the presence of William Fichtner.
12. Did I mention that William Fichtner can make your movie better?

Lost in the Quagmire

Quagmire. God that is such a strange word. Seriously. But I am. Lost in it, I mean. I'm seriously knee deep in crap right now. Moving Crap, Work Crap. And to top it all off, I don't have cable. Do you know it has been a week since I've seen an episode of Made or Gilmore Girls. I'm starting to twitch. I might have to be admitted to Betty Ford if those goes on much longer. I actually cracked a book last night. That's how deprived I am. I have had everyone, including my mother, tell me every juicy detail of the Academy Awards, which: Salt, meet Open Wound. I'm sure you'll become fast friends.

To top it all off, I haven't felt very writing inclined. I just feel drained of anything to say. Well, that's not exactly true. Fighting Nun and I have had fifteen-hundred conversations, most of which were funny (one of which involved us getting a mouse chouffeur which launched into a discussion of whether or not said mouse should be able to cuss at traffic. The Verdict? Absolutely.) and probably blog worthy but are now lost to the anals of time (heh, I just said anals) because I haven't (read: didn't) taken the time to write them down.

I feel constricted in the writing department right now, like there's so much that needs out of my system but that I can't concentrate on any one thing so nothing gets out. I do not know why. I've been sitting on a post about this awesome dream I had involving Apolo Anton Ohno and that shirtless volleyball scene in Top Gun where Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise are in Volleyball Match to the D-E-A-T-H which I haven't done anything with. Quite heartbreaking really. But rest assured, I'm trying.

Those Crazy Australians...

...and their band names.

So I'm listening to Live 105 this morning, which really isn't bad now that Howard Stern is gone. So I'm listening and they play a band called Wolf Mother. Let me reiterate. Wolf Mother. From the country that brought you Midnight Oil and Silver Chair, please enjoy Wolf Mother. The band ain't half bad, what with it sounding something like cross between The Darkness and Jet, but... Wolf Mother. That's the best you could come up with? Really? No offense or anything, but hoakey...

Baby Huey Is My Co-pilot...

(Pete Levine for Congress!!!)

...Or, at least he should be.

I was going through a strange bit of ennui today, and then Fighting Nun sent me this and a couple of sound bites from this guy (which if I were brighter and less lazy, I'd link to) and it totally made my day.

Since the Olympics started, I've been a bit enamored with this guy. I mean how could you not. He's that Starbucks commercial where that guy has his own personal cheering section following him going "Hank, Hank, Hank", except he is one guy, and he is all sorts of awesome. How could you not want to shred the mountain with this guy cheering you on. "Come on Bloody Munchkin, put the hammer down." O.k. Mr. Baby Huey, I've never skiied before but because you've got such a demanding presence, yes, yes I will."

Any other cheering section in the whole of the Olympics has paled in comparison to this man. The German Bobsled coaches? They try, what with the gutteral screams and all, but they lack the key phrases like "Put it down" and "It's your day today." to really get me going. Who ever has the cowbell up in the luge stands, well, it needs more cow bell compared to this guy.

I'm convinced this guy needs to be my personal motivator. Can you imagine how utterly awesome that would be. He'll just be sitting behind me at work, and any time I'm lacking in motivation all "Blah, blah, blah writer's block, blah, blah, blah bored", he'd be all "Come on Bloody. Get it done blood. (That's the nickname I think he would give me.) It's your day. " And I'd be instantly ready to tackle my task. He'll be back in Tahoe when this is all said and done, not to far from me, I wonder if he needs a job.

In short. Baby Huey, you have an awesome nickname, you are utterly awesome and I would so much like to be your friend. Coffee's on me when you get back from Torino. What do ya say?

Crawling out of Grey

It's been over a week since my last post. I apologize for not updating but I've been dealing with some personal issues that have gotten me to start writing seriously again (Good!), just not here (Bad!) which sucks, because that part of my brain that catalogues and stores all this awesome, inane pop-culture-y crap has been supercharged as of late, but I can't find the time and energy to put it all together. Between the moving and the work and the other personal issues that have come up and all the Olympics I have tivoed and need to watch? No time for posting.

Not a good excuse, but bear with me. I feel the floodgates open and the creativity about to pour out, it'll just take time...

Olympics Opening Ceremonies Or....

So this is a game I like to call Olympic Opening Ceremonies Or... in which you the reader come up with your caption for what is really going on. Feel free to add your ideas in the comments. Here we go.

Olympic Opening Ceremonies Or....

A) A pyromaniacs loving ode to Tron
B) A volcanic helmet test gone awry
C) A literal definition of what spandex really is: Flaming

Olympic Opening Ceremonies Or...

A) A giant red orgy
B) A mass butt sniffing (Dude, Who pootered, we must all hand our heads down in shame

Olympic Opening Ceremonies Or...

A) Picasso's rendition or performance art?

Seriously, that's the best I can come up with. This part was just... wierd really.

Opening Ceremonies Or...

A) Heffer: The Icecapades.
B) Udder: The Musical.

You know, this one is just too chewy. I'll wait to see what the comments have to say...

Olympics Opening Ceremonies

O.k., so I know I said I’d dotingly recap the Olympics. I was hoping to go day by day, but with this whole house buying thing and what with cleaning and packing, things aren’t going as I had planned. But I have for you the Opening Ceremony, lovingly recapped.

Here goes…

8:00: We open with the lovely “Look at the landscape, look at the architecture. The backdrop for the Olympics is Sooooo beautiful montage.” Like we weren’t expecting that…
8:01 The “Italy is beautiful” montage quickly morphs into the Athlete Montage. Nice segue. And what is with the narrator trying to channel James Earl Jones and failing. Yo buddy, this isn’t CNN and You are not his father.
8:03 The “Italy is beautiful” montage morphs to Athlete Montage morphs to “U.S. Olympic Athletes Kick Ass” montage. Who would’ve seen that coming?
8:04 Figure Skating Montage! Sweet!
8:05 “A City of succulent style”. Did he just say that? What the hell did that mean?
8:06 The announcer tries to pronounce peninsula correctly and fails.
8:09 Bode Miller, blah blah blah. If he’s their big story for the whole Olympics, there might be a dull spork residing in one of my eye sockets by the end of this two weeks. Also, the Flying Tomato has to be the best nickname in the history of the games.
8:17 Downhill skiing practice. Why are we watching practice runs? Oh, so Fighting Nun and I can argue about the blue lines being course limitations or if they are merely suggestions, which apparently they are. And we’re also watching it so I can apparently have little heart palpitations and gasp every three seconds because every jump, every turn these guys look like they are going to biff it and there is going to be a yard sale on that very hill of skis, mitts and internal organs. I’m not sure I have the fortitude that watching this sport commands. Also, the announcers. “Stiffness in his hips” Hee! Am I recapping Olympics or porn you decide…
8:28 The announcers again. “Massive and strong” also a strong contender for Olympics or porn or romance novel. “Massive and Strong”. Jesus.
8:34 Fighting Nun pleads with me and the Tivo to fast forward past the first of probably 9500 Bode Miller interviews sure to take place during these games. I comply.
8:46 Shawn White, The Flying Tomato. This kid is a big dork. Therefore I’m totally rooting for him.
8:54 Can we hurry up with the ceremony? Jesus!
8:55 Costas, or as Fighting Nun likes to call him. Costass. First of all, what is with the hair? This starts off a fun little game Fighting Nun and I have come up with called “Toupee or Grecian Formula” which we’re going to play every time he comes on screen. It is real easy. Anytime costas comes on, pause your Tivo, stare at the marvel that is a cross between Hasselpouf and the feathery Lief Garret but with some bacon grease added on top for color and argue “Is he wearing a hair peace or is that some bad coloring?” Its going to be the mobius strip of these fair games people. Also, Shut up Costas. Just for good measure.
8:58 Team USA close up. Team Hats close up, to which Fighting Nun said “Who designed the hats? Some goth dude who was listening to too much Duran Duran while doing so? What the hell is that?”
8:59 Chris Witty is one manly woman. Wowza.
9:04 The Opening Ceremonies, finally! The opening ceremonies have provided me with a fun game I like to call “opening ceremonies or…” which I played quite vigorously. I’ll explain in a separate post. Stay tuned.
9:05 There are rollerblades and skateboards in the Opening Ceremonies. What the heck is this? Also, I knew that the director for the remake of Rollerball has been unemployed for quite some time now, but did they have to give him work as the costume designer of the opening ceremonies, because really. I haven’t seen this much pyrotechnics since the Green Day concert. The Opening Ceremonies are turning into some strange Rollerball meets Cirque Du Soliel meets Stomp hybrid.
9:07 A “Beating Heart” is displayed on stage. Thanks Costas, because that really looked like a red orgy on stage.
9:08 The red flaming dude. Hee! I said “red flaming” apparently he’s supposed to be the “sparks of passions” Again, am I recapping the Winter Olympics or a romance novel over here?
9:09 Alps Horns, Ricola dudes in liederhosen. Skating Christmas trees. Skating Cowprint. I have no idea if I’m still recapping the opening ceremonies or if I have somehow taken a hit of acid, because surreal.
9:10 Fighting Nun “We are doing the magical dance of the heffer.” Thene there are these moving cow statues. And yet even more liederhosen. I’m overcome with tears of laughter and joy. If the compulsory dance section features these awesome cow print outfits, I’d watch ad nauseum.
9:15 Some Georgio Armani outfits are featured which leads Fighting Nun and I to have an interesting discussion about whether or not we’ve accidently started watching Logan’s Run.
9:26 What’s with the ski dudes on stage? Its like Picasso performance art. You have to tilt your head to look at it and even then you don’t know what it is. Those crazy Italians.
9:28 Can I just say that a bunch of people all wearing climbing headlamps makes me feel less geeky.
9:34 More Cirque Du Soliel. Fighting Nun and I are seeing them on Friday. I’m skipping this part.
9:36 Let the pageantry of Nations begin. Only Five Albanians? That’s sad. Andorra. Poor Andorra.
9:38 Fighting Nun “God Forbid we miss a country. Jesus.”
9:39 Argentina. “At least they’ve got beanies. Armenia had dunce caps.” Fighting Nun and I then discuss all the team hats presented from this point on, until Fighting Nun falls asleep thirty minutes later, leaving me to point out hats on my own. Also, the dress. The dress they’ve forced the poor girls who hold up the signs with the names of the countries? Is the ugliest dress in all of creation. And I should know. I read GFY on a daily basis. It has mountains on it people. That’s just not a fashion statement anyone should make, least of all the Olympic costuming people. Not right!
9:43 Azerbaigan? What? They didn’t get hats. Poor guys. We should’ve taken up a collection. Bermuda. One guy. You know they’ve known to wear Bermuda shorts in the past. But they didn’t this time. Disappointing…
9:47 Brazil. Interesting Hats. Bullgaria has fuzzy hats. Canada has fuzzier hats with little ear flaps. I like Canada
9:52 The Blossom hat has made its rousing return with the Chinese. I do not know why.
9:54 I like Costa Rica’s Beanies. Denmak has the strangest looking earmuffs. Also, Go Ethiopia.
10:02 Germany rendered me blind with their green. Also, “Speeding White Sausage”. That just over took Flying Tomato as the best nick name. Also a contender for “Am I recapping the Olympics or Porn.”
10:07 Me and the Olympics Music Committee need to have a talk. “Funky Town” You have got to be kidding me.
10:09 Grandma Luge, I salute you!
10:10 Israel. OMG the announcers did not just mention Munich. You have got to be kidding me.
10:12 Kyrgyztan! Best named country ever! Also, awesome hats.
10:14 Luxembourg has a team? Who Knew?
10:18 “Sweet Dreams”? Jesus!
10:19 Mongolia officially has my vote for awesomest Olympic hat ever! Fuzzy and furry and long. Also “Video Killed The Radio Star” The music selections. I don’t understand it.
10:20 Men’s Cross Country Relay Skiing. That’s actually a sport?
10:21 New Zealand, you tried admirably to get my vote for best hat, but Mongolia surpassed you. I am sorry. Signed. The Bloody Munchkin.
10:30 Slovenia – The Green color is scaring me. Also “YMCA” I have officially thrown my hands up in the air in disgust.
10:31 USA! USA! Chris Witty! See Above. USA! USA! Shut Mrs. Bush! O.k. that was a little counter-patriotic. Also, bad hats. See Above. Flying Tomato! Lindsay Jocobellis has poodle hair. Shut Up on Bode! Yeeach already.
10:39 Tajikistan. Awesome. “Jump” by Van Halen. Not awesome.
10:45 Italy. What is with the Jetsony overcoats? I haven’t seen that much gold metallic clothing since I cleaned out my grandmother’s closet.
10:51 Go Flame Go!
10:53 Flag Twirling. Blech. Thank you Tivo Fast forward.
10:55 The Olympics are proving once again that they are ripping from Cirque Du Soliel
10:56 These Moon Things are scary and very Baren von Munchhousen.
11:02 The Ferrari is actually pretty cool. What can I say?
11:15 The Olympic Flag. “The Women Of distinction.” That is just plain awesome really. And Susan Surandon is just incredible.
11:20 Apparently, we went from women of distinction to men of indistinction. But the knock-off robin hood hats? Kind of awesome.
11:27 Another Cirque du Olympics piece kicks off that I can only call “Brokeback Acrobatics” This is promptly where I shut off the TV and drag Fighting Nun’s sleeping carcass off the couch and to bed. The only thing you need to know about the last 30 minutes is Yoko Ono needs to cram it, Luciano Pavaratti needs to lay off the Grecian Formula and the Fireworks need to end. Amen.

Hey Mike Wise...

Shut Up! No, seriously, shut up! You're article did nothing but frustrate me. And do not, DO NOT call the Olympics the Look-at-me games. The athletes don't want the celebrity, they just want to compete, to be part of something that is bigger than themselves. Sure, all of them want to win, but most of them aren't out there to trot out for your dog and pony show. And honestly, you, the media, created the dog and pony show that the athletes just have to put up with in the first place. If "their antics" annoy you that much, don't watch, and don't report about it in a holier than thou manner, because that's not what the athletes want.

(Finding a Happy Place, Finding a Happy Place. Breathe In, Breathe Out)

Sorry, I just find that sort of finger-pointing journalism infuriating. The only thing I even halfway liked about this article was when he called Michelle Kwan the Susan Lucci of Figure-skating. Hee! In happier news...

Opening Ceremonies are tonight Bitches! Anybody trying to part me and my Tivo from the opening ceremonies will meet my vengeful wrath!!!

The Olympics are almost here ya'll!!!

Eee! Friday is Opening Ceremonies, and I almost can't handle it!!! It's getting so bad that I actually Eeked loudly on the bridge on the way home when they played an Olympics spot. I'm shvitzing over here I'm so excited! (Actually, I have no idea if I'm actually shvitzing or not, but I'm still freaking excited!! The Olympics, people!!! Bring it on!

Life is Truly, Truly Great...

When you get to see the thing from the diagram first hand. When you get to hold it, and be in awe of its, well, see for yourself...


This one is labeled "Soft and Texturized".

This one's glossy.

This just keeps getting better and better.

Life is Truly Great...

Better than it was before when a second e-mail with a diagram, even more glorious than the first appears in your inbox:

How does one proceed with all this, dare I say, Chewy Goodness? Lightning never strikes in the same place twice, but somehow it did today. This graphic doesn't have any of the great text really describing it as the first one did, such as "Water In" and "Friction Fit", yet I really think the image speaks for itself, don't you?

Tears of Mirth People. Tears of Mirth, that's what work has brought me today...

O.k., See, No.

O.k., see this is just wrong. Not that I don't wanna knock these guys for expressing themselves and all, put, the faux-fu-manchu, or the pseudo-pornstache, or however you want to label it, should not happen in a modern civilization. And there should certianly not, under any circumstances, be a revival of this stache. At all. Ever.

It's not the facial hair I'm quibbling with per say. Fighting Nun has stopped shaving until our purchase of our house is final and official, and I'm fine with that. But he is grooming his facial hair and beard in such a way that does not evoke 70's porn music playing in my head when he enters a room. Any time a "wakka-wakka-onsa-onsa" beat plays as inner theme music in somebody's brain when you and your stache enter a room (and the stache is probably entering the room before you are, but that's besides the point) you should rethink your grooming routine.

This kinda mustache evokes in me the same sort of reaction I have to trucker hats: confusion and repulsion. I, I just don't understand it. I don't understand how people who are not in their 40's, overweight, not driving anything with Yosemite Sam or Naked Girl mud flaps decides that these two things are good looks. I further do not understand how either of these things can become a trend. I get that ugly is the new pretty among certain circles, but that still doesn't explain why on God's Green Earth, someone would inflict themselves with this kind of ugly. I just... I don't know.

Life Is Great....

When I receive something this awesome in my e-mail inbox.

Three guesses as to what this pertains to. No, I don't work in a company that makes sexual devices (Pervert)!! Although it certainly looks that way. Try again....

(This drawing sent me into a giggle fit. I can't believe our e-mail filters didn't filter it out....

Analyzing The Strokes

Thanks to the cover of the new SPIN issue, Fighting Nun and I had the following conversation last night;
Bloody Munchkin (ME): Dude, I know we're about to have dinner and all, and I really don't wanna effect our appetites, but what the HELL is with Fabrizio's mustache?
Fighting Nun: I have no idea.
BM: I mean seriously. It's like the worst parts of the 70's pornstache and the Tom Selleck Magnum PI stache combined. Not a good look. Drew Barrymoore was going out with that?
FN: Really? Ew gross, she could have at least gone out with the decent looking one in the group. What is her problem?
BM: Whatever it is, it is the same problem she had when she married Tom Green for crying out loud. And also, are we looking at the same cover? Because I'm not sure there really is a decent looking one in the group.
FN: Well, I mean I'm a dude so I'm not qualified to make a statement like this, but the lead dude?
BM: Julian?
FN: Yeah, he's at least decent looking, better up her ally than pornstache guy.
BM: Not in that plaid suit, but yeah, I get what you're saying. He's the least scary of the bunch, not that they are scary, they are just not normal looking, or something.
FN: What is with the guy in the scarf? Hey buddy, lay off the heroine.
BM: Yeah, what is with that? His cheekbones are totally sucked in. Newsflash to that dude: Don't suck in your cheeks like a fish when the camera flashes.
FN: It's not just that he has no cheekbones, he literally doesn't have an ounce of fat on him. No heroine needles, o.k. dude, and eat a sandwhich, or a fat burger.
BM: He can't the one in the middle, with the self-satisfied shit-eating grin is eating all his food.
FN: Hee. I can see the gaunt one saying 'dude, I'm coming down now. Hand me a sandwich.
BM: And the fat one is all 'I can't... BURP!' He's the stoner to the other dude's heroine addict."
FN: 'That's gotta be a fun tour bus. 'Dude, I have the munchies.'
BM: "Fine, go eat "Needles's" stash in the refrigerator." It's a symbiotic relationship really. Now I must bring up the other dude on the end.
FN: Dude, what is with that hat?
BM: My point exactly. That guy should be sat down and told that the look he's sporting, the "Lucas Haas as an Amish Kid in Witness is out. In fact it was never in. So loose the hat, and the vest."
FN: Maybe the fat one will eat it.
BM: Hee! He's already eaten the poor heroine addict dude's jacket. He's probably full.
FN: Don't we like this band?
BM: Yes.
FN: We're being pretty mean to them.
BM: Yes. But they brought it on themselves. Don't be sporting Thin Ron Jeremy-stache circa 1976 and expect that I won't bring the scrutiny is all I'm saying.
FN: Yeah, and eat before the photo shoot. Goes double for the heroine addict.