Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Pam and Kid Rock to Marry

You know what ticks me about this news? It's not that Pamela Anderson happens to be forsaking Tommy Lee (who has stated several times that he'd like to get back with her, but that's neither here nor there) for Kid Rock. It's not that she consistently goes for guys who have made a sex video, either with or without her. It's that SHE'S IN THE NEWS AT ALL.

I just... she just... *inarticulate hate gurgle*. I have some irrational hate for Pamela Anderson to the point that any time she's in the news for any length of time at all, I start getting all red in the face and grumpy for no explicable reason. Part of it has to do with how annoying she is about her PETA involvement, and being a vegetarian, and blah blah blah, and the other part of it is that SHE. JUST. WON'T. GO. AWAY. I mean seriously, she's like some andromeda strain of Celebrity-dom, the likes of which only Paris Hilton can best. Just when you think you have a handle on the virus that is Pamela Anderson, she pops back up, more annoying and cloying than ever.

And there's just stuff about her that I know that I can't unknow unless I become senile that I wish I didn't know, like the number of sex videos that have popped up with her in them (I believe the total is 2, one with Tommy Lee, the other with Brett Micheals), the fact that she had an all vegetarian Thanksgiving feast with Morrisey for PETA (come on, there has to be something more important for those brain cells to store), the fact that she refused to wear anything but PETA approved designers for some fashion event she hosted in Europe, which meant she only wore Stella McCartney's designs. It's sad that I know that. Other stuff I know that I don't want to know? The fact that she had her boobs done, undone, and redone bigger over the course of her career. I don't need to know the history of Pamela Anderson's boobs. And yet I do, probably better than my own. Which is sad. The fact that she's only going to treat her Hepatitis C with all natural drugs, which o.k., here's what I want to know. Let's say you're a somewhat hot but obviously on the hunt for nice a piece of tail actor, model or rock star and you can have your choice of tail anywhere out there in the world. Why, on god's green earth would hit this desease ridden piece of ass, not once, But repeatedly? Because that crap has been well publicized, but that hasn't stopped a whole bevy of men from repeatedly dipping into that well, know what I'm sayin'? But why? That's what I'm confused about. Because, ick.

And wasn't she going to retire from the public eye? Didn't she come back into the public eye to say she was leaving the public eye only to come back into it in the form of a nude picture she did for PETA for a billboard (another thing I wish I could unknow). Damn it Pamela, if you're gonna go, go. Stay gone. Don't come back. Really. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Because damn.

O.k., I'm sorry for the vitreol Pamela, really I am. I hope Kid Rock really has a lot fun with your girls for eternity. Really I do. Just do me a favor and live the remainder of your days with Kid Rock out quietly? Just please. Don't come back in the media because you got some other spreadable desease by sharing a tattoo needle. Don't openly insult someone at a red carpet event for wearing a leather coat and let page six post it. Just go away.


The Bloody Munchkin


Xanthia said...

HeHeHe FANTA FANTA dont you wanna FANTA FANTA. That is gross. I made a Mediation Coordinator throw away a full bowl of candy today because this girl was up in it and complaining of pain and discharge down there. Munchkin do not have sex with anyone in your area because we do not know where Pamela has been. I think you know who is still safe he does not see like the Pamela type. She had sex with Brett Michaels,,,,damn it I dont like it when a past fantasy get and STD because you know in my head he is automatically infected. Have you dug deep to find the real reason you hate her. What the hell do you do that you know so much useless shit? I mean how do you know those are emergency flotation devices she has a fear of drowning. Is it really wrong that she hates animals I mean kid rock would not have a home if she did not pick up strays.

The Bloody Munchkin said...

I don't know when I started hating Pamela. I think it started when she made that horrible show VIP, because I don't hate her for Baywatch. Baywatch was what it was, a bunch of Bimbos in swimsuits and Hasselhoff. That's fine. There's something else there really, and I can't figure it out...

The real crux of this conversation is... YOU USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON BRETT MICHEALS? REALLY? WHEN? Because we need to have a talk sweetheart. My friend, the I expect this from, but not you. Brett Micheals? Sheesh...