Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Traditionally, Fighting Nun and I don't do alot for this holiday. It's not that we're not into it, its just that we haven't had alot of reason to get into it. I don't think we've been to a Halloween party since college, alot of the places we've lived since college haven't exactly been inviting to trick-or-treaters, and after an unfortunate incident involving carved pumpkins, that part of the holiday has been pretty much out of the equation since the Clinton Administration (Carved Pumpkins can get moldy? Who Knew). Like I said, it's not that we're not into it, it's just that we haven't had much of an occasion to get into it.

Now that we're in the burbs, we didn't know exactly what to expect for the occasion. We now live in a neighborhood with a moderate amount of kids, so we thought we'd buy a couple bags of candy, put out a pumpkin light and play it by ear. We really just didn't know what to expect. But can you blame us really. The last two halloweens we had no kids, not a one. Not that I blame them. The house we lived in was the suburbian equivalant of the Bates House. From the street, it cut quite an intimidating shadow so I can see why the 1.5 kids that actually trick-or-treated down our street chose not venture up our path. I think the other reason they chose not to venture up our path is that whatever amount of candy we might shell out was not worth the hour of cardio any kid would have to endure just to get said candy, the week of training at Mount Everest base camp just to get up the driveway only to find that there were stairs to be climbed. One year I think we just ended up renting a couple of Hitchkock movies and eating the candy we so dutifully bought. The next year I don't think we even did that.

So It's safe to say I didn't know what to expect this year. But after walking through one of the streets in our neighborhood and I saw a full sized replica of the front end of The Black Pearl complete with a giant squid and working gang plank, I realized that the gloves had come O-F-F as far as the holiday was concerned. I really wish I had taken a picture of that because, talk about disposable income. All the stops were pulled on that one. It got me a little excited for the holiday because if somebody in the neighborhood was willing to go that far, then the kids must be bringing it. And I must say, on the most part, they did. There was the standard mix of witches and ninjas and a few t0o many power rangers for my taste this year, but what do I know. My next door neighbors brought their eight-month old and let me tell you. The tiger costume? Cute! So cute I almost collapsed. Brilliant is what I'm saying. And the biblical horde of princesses and the fairies? So sweet I have a toothache people! I must say I enjoyed myself.

But you know who enjoyed himself most? The dog. A non-stop calvacade of strange people ringing the doorbell who have come to pet him? Yes Please. Not to mention that the dog hardly ever gets to bring out his "Big Assertive Bark of Protectiveness". The only time he ever uses it is when the doorbell rings and given that the doorbell rang approximately 57 times last night, he got to bust it out big time. I think by the end of the night, he had a smug little smile on his face, knowing he got to use the bark. He was a hit with the kids too. The bark usually gave them a jolt. He was our lame ass version of the trick part of the trick-or-treat. The really young ones were enamored with him. This fairie who was all of three years old thought Kissinger was just as big a present as the candy. I think she wanted to take him home and he probably would've gone. There was another kid who literally jumped for joy at his presence. "Doggie." he said, all big eyed. Cute people! I'm about to explode with the cute. I don't even need to go to Cute Overload today, and I always need my hammie fix!

The not so cute portion of the night? The junior high kids who weren't even trying. Black shirts and back packs. That was it. And they were loaded with candy ya'll. I'm talking those guys were filled to the brim. I asked one of them what he was going as, and holding up his little glow stick, he said "The Human Torch." I think it might be wrong to call a kid who's just hit the worst parts that puberty has to offer a douche, but I think I'm gonna do it anyway. Hey you, assy teenager, AKA the human torch, You sir are a douche. If you come to my stoop next year, you better bring your A Game or I'm not giving you any candy. And if you even think of egging our house, I'm going to sic my dog after you. Sure, that won't have any ill effect at all because he'll probaby end up going home with you and acting all buddy-buddy with you, but that's besides the point. You know that episode of Prison Break where Haywire runs from the mean barking dog and then ends up giving the dog some beef jerky and then befriends the dog? Yeah, that would be my dog right there. Not so bright that one. Unless you're a cat, or another animal that he can chase, attack or in any way pester, he's not really that malevolent. Actually, he's the exact opposite of malevolent. He's a big wuss actually. But anyway.

Also the not so cute portion of the night? Watching Silent Hill. I didn't hate it, in fact I might venture to say that I kinda liked it, but the ending left me all perplexed. I'd write full movie review but all I can manage is "Huh? What in that what? I..." because that's how I feel. I don't know anything about the videogame. I don't pretend to know anything about the videogame, so I'd like to know if movie followed the videogame story line decently well, up to and including the strange ending. Also, I gotta ask, what is with this guy suddenly showing up everywhere?
Last week's Prison Break he was happily chewing threw scenery right next to William Lichtner (which I somehow can't prove that was him right now, because Imdb happens to be leaving me high and dry right now), and now he's giving Sean Bean a run for his money, in both the scenery chewing department and the ubiquitous department, although I think Sean Bean still holds the belt for that one. Nobody bests Borimer, except for maybe a hobbit, but whatevs. (On a side note: Nobody told me Sean Bean was in Heroes! If I had known, I'd be watching it! Shame on all ya'll. O.k., O.k., I get that I have nobody to blame but myself, but seriously! Fine I'll wait til it comes out on DVD. Sigh.)

All and all, a satisfying Halloween. I had fun, I ate ice cream, watched a (somewhat) scary movie, had issues working our front door (SHUT! UP! FIGHTING NUN! I don't want to hear it. Leave me alone.), literally almost went into convulsions regarding the cuteness factor and ranted about douchey junior high kids not having costumes. Exactly my kind of Halloween.

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