American Inventor Finale

God I knew it. I freaking knew the car seat guy would win.

O.k., I'm jumping ahead of myself. Let me start off quickly by saying that somehow, Simon Cowell is everywhere. He's Ubiquitous. He's everywhere. He's got his hands in everything now. So we're flipping between the Will and Grace Finale and the American Inventor Finale and there we were, watching NBC and they had an ad for America's Got Talent, Simon Cowell's new show. So He's got his hand in Fox, ABC, and now NBC. He's like a disease people! He must be stopped.

And yet, my unadulterated hate for Mr. Cowell didn't stop me from watching the finale. Because I am a dork. In regards to this episode, I'd just like to say I called it. Called it from the very beginning. I, for whatever reason, was rooting for Francisco, but as anyone who's hung out with me for any period of time knows, anyone I cheer for in any capacity (even in issuing a tiny woo, not even a hoo, in somebody's direction) is doomed to not win. So I knew he'd be the first to go. Sorry Bike Dude. It's my bad.

I also knew the football guy didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. Sorry football dude, but your product should be relagated to the infomercials they have on the sports channels when their running the little league world series or whatever children's sports they decide to put on because there doesn't happen to be any major sporting event at the time. It's just, it's really meh. Is what I'm saying.

And game dude? Valient effort, but did you really think you'd win when you were up against a safety seat that could save kid's lives? It was just so predictable.

And looooong. Boy was this episode long. I mean infuriatingly long for an hour program. For the love of little green apples, get on with it Announcer Dude. Stop with the looooong pauses and the commercial breaks for dramatic effect, cause it's been done. And keeps being done on American Idol in fact. Shut Up Ryan Seacrest for making the smurfy dramatic pause to commercial break a thing. It pisses me off. And it especially pisses me off coming from the announcer dude on this show. Also, can someone say wee? Because the announcer guy is teeny-tiny compared to the contestants on stage and it's quite hilarious. You can see the guy trying to muster some sense of superiority while looking up at the contestants nose hairs.

And don't, for the love of all that is right in this world, do the whole, "You didn't win but since we're going for the jugular of the collective viewing audience, you really did win" thing by giving the three runners up special opportunities and internships and whatever the hell. And for Christ's Sake, Stop showing up every where Jerry Rice! What, Once football was over, did you sign your soul over to ABC? I thought once Dancing with the Stars was over we wouldn't have to see your preening ass anymore. But nooooo. There you are with your shit-eating grin and the stupid superbowl ring AROUND YOUR NECK on my TV. AGAIN. Just stop. Grrrr. And don't think you get a free pass LANCE ARMSTRONG! SHUT UP. And take off your bike jersey. You RETIRED, remember?

O.k. I think that's out of my system. So in summary, American Inventor is a stupid, jerky show, that I somehow had to watch to the end. I guess I really do like my righteous indignation. Otherwise, why would I be watching this show?