Monday, May 22, 2006

Celebrity Fisticuffs gone wrong

Now, don't get me wrong, I like a good celebrity catfight better than anyone else. In my fevered brain, I've planned some good ones. I even have imagined a particularly good catfight where Ivanka Trump, decked out in a fox fur, complete with little foxy legs on it, goes up to Pamela Anderson and delivers a mean haymaker to one of Pam's siliconed boobs when Pam decides to go into one of her PETA-approved diatribes regarding the fur Ivanka is wearing. These little fevered dreams of mine make me happy, keep me sane.

But, Axl and Hilfiger Fiieeeeght!?!?!?! Wasn't exactly on my list of celebrity pairings I'd like to see duke it out. Not that Axl hasn't had a good smackdown coming to him for quite sometime, but at the hands of Hilfiger? It just seems not right somehow. I bet that Slash is in his snakepit, reading this news, kicking himself all "Some pansy fashion designer did what I've wanted to do for two decades and counting."

And it also sounds weak in my opinion. I mean, Hilfiger lays into him but yet Axl was still able to get up onstage and sing. What kind of weak, sissy-footed fight was this? If you are in the presence of mind that hitting Axl sounds like a good idea, at least go all the way with it and knock him out, dislocate his jaw or something. Don't just bat him around for a time and then leave him unmarked. Although, I'm not sure what I was expecting, coming from the guy who gave us Tommy Jeans.

And the truly sad part about this, is that Axl got smacked around way past his expiration date. I mean he needed a literal and verbal smackdown somehere during the Clinton Administration or possibly before, before the scary plastic surgery made him look like a waxen figuring of himself and the dreads made him look like the missing link between the Predator and Carrot Top, before he decided to physically abuse not one but two of his girlfriends. That would've blown my brace-faced, acne-fied, perm-haired, fifteen-year-old every-loving mind.

But no, it had to happen now, when the only reaction I can muster about this event is "Meh."

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