Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dreams Featuring D-Listers

O.k., I can not figure out what is going on with my dreams lately. I mean seriously, they've become bizarre. And they've suddenly involved a calvacade of unusual and low-ranking celebrities. Usually, I leave it up to Fighting Nun to have the truly bizarre dreams involving celebrities. I mean he had a dream involving XZibit, and he doesn't even like X to the Z. I'm the Pimp My Ride fan, at least I could get An X visit in my dreams, but no.

Take a dream I had a couple of weeks ago. So it starts out with me complimenting the guy who played Squints in The Sandlot and telling him how much I loved his recurring character on The Gilmore Girls and he's all "I didn't think anybody knew about that" and I'm all "Of course I do, I've seen everything you've been in. I'm a big fan" which is a big fat lie, to which he gives me a strange look.

And then suddenly I'm at a wedding, having to do some minor things before the wedding and I'm being directed by... wait for it... Suzanne Somers. No, I don't know why either. She's having me do something in this garden before the wedding reception, and I'm trying to pick flowers or something and I'm getting stung by ants. And I start crawling up this wall and I'm all, I have to tell Suzanne. And I see her across the garden talking to people and I refuse to flag any one else down. I apparantly had to flag her down. And she had the exact same hair she had in that one infomercial and she's wearing red spandex and she comes up to me all sweetly and I try to explain the fire ant situation to her and that's when I wake up.

O.k., I knew dreams could be bizarre, but I didn't know they could evoke alternate dimensions. Because, if the E! True Hollywood Story about Three's Company and that VH1 movie about Three's Company is any indication, a geniunely nice Suzanne Sommers is utterly impossible.

Some of the dreams I have about celebrities I actually revel in. Like, man why'd I have to wake up revel. Shortly after the Olympics I had this dream involving Apolo Anton Ohno and Bode Miller in which they were playing beach volleyball not unlike that scene in Top Gun. I have no idea who was playing Iceman and Slider to Apolo's Maverik and Bode's Goose because that didn't matter. What did matter is later on in the dream Apolo started doing the Hasselhoff Baywatch run. Which Awesome.

But the one this morning I can not figure out at all. No seriously. Apparantly in my dream I happen to be a person with violent tendencies so bad that I'm relagated to an anger management camp for 5-10 year olds and Eric Palladino is trying to make out with me, a whole lot like his character in "Can't Hardly Wait" tried to make out with Jennifer Love Hewitt's character except he had gum in his mouth. Like what? I don't understand.

Why do I have to have such bizarre dreams?

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