An Open Letter to my Car Radio/CD Player/Tape Player

Dear Radio;

Please, for the love of God, stop freaking out on me. I just can't take it. You've worked well for 6+ years now, but all the sudden you're starting to go all wonky and I'm at a loss regarding how to deal with it. When I first got you, along with the car, I was all "Rad! It's got a CD player and a Tape Deck. Sweet!" But truth is, I haven't used the Tape Deck part of you in the time I've had a car. I'm not sure if Fighting Nun and I even have tapes anymore. The one tape I even know that we still have happens to be a mixed tape I made back in high school that is highly embarrassing because It happened to be a mixed tape I made over something I had taped when I was in elementary school, which happened to be my third-grade self singing a song I had written at that age with my little casio keyboard. Not my best work. Trust me. I didn't exactly record over that part really well, so right at the very beginning of side B, I think, there's me singing. And Then Smashing Pumpkin's Siemese Dream starts up, which is a bit bizarre, but anyway. Fighting Nun loves this tape, for reasons I can't quite understand and has kept it in a safe location unbeknownst to me, because I swore that if I ever saw that tape again, I'd destroy it on sight.

Ahem, back to point. It just so happens that the tape deck part of you is the part that is freaking out. And I'm talking FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. I'm talking Joan Crawford style freakout except in tape form. I mean, I'll be listening to one of my CD's or the radio. And everything has to stop in obeisance of your temper tantrum. I get to listen nothing else for at least a good five minutes but you whining and throwing an electronic version of a SHIT FIT for no good reason. And not two minutes later, just when I think you've settled down, YOU DO IT AGAIN! You did that two me a total of seven (SEVEN!!!) times this morning. And I don't appreciate it not one bit.

Look, I'm sorry I haven't used you at all since I've had the car, but please, please don't do this to me. I'll go mad. Literally mad. I have not once had to endure a forty minute car trip alone, with no music and only my brain to keep me company, and I'm pretty sure that if I did, every subsequent trip would be the car ride equivelant to "The Yellow Wallpaper", and I can tell you right now, that ain't gonna be pretty.

So, please tape deck, no more tempertantrums please. I get now that you don't like me, and I'm starting to detest you, but let's just live in relative harmony for a couple more years. Although Fighting Nun says, that if the problem persists, we might break out a tape and try get you to working, which means we'll have to break out "The Tape" which means I might have a shot at destroying it, so by all means, go right ahead...

Keep it up and I'll show you a Real SHIT FIT;
The Bloody Munchkin