Pimp My Ride

I'm sure that the small audience I do have is probably sick of hearing me go on and on with my TV related rants, but you're about to hear another one, regardless. Ready???

Sunday, I got to do my second favorite activity, which is stay at home while Fighting Nun goes windsurfing so I can have complete control of the remote control, able able to watch whatever crap I want. There's something to be said about the utter fulfillment I get from being able to watch whatever happens to be on the television without the dreaded veto looming over me. You know what I mean, statements like "Oh My God, we are not watching this." and "This is a re-run. We have already seen it. Turn. The. Channel." with the eye roll to follow whatever channel choice I decide to make. The Veto. And let me just say that I know the crap I watch is crap. I know, that at my age, I have no earthly business watching whatever it is the braintrusts at MTV decides to roll out with, but I watch it anyway. But that's not the point here.

So I'm watching Sunday, and the skies part and the heavens open wide and there is a Pimp My Ride marathon on TV. I love Pimp My Ride. I love Pimp My Ride Marathons. I love Pimp My Ride reruns, which really annoys Fighting Nun because, see above. Yes I know I've seen the one where they make over that girl's truck and create a wall of TV's in the truck bed, but it does not diminish the awesomeness. I don't care. I will watch it again. Whenever it is on TV. That's how much I love Pimp My Ride. So I'm watching yesterday, and teasers for the new season come on. Which makes me happy. The teasers show a new garage. Which makes me confused. (GAS? This is not West Coast Customs. What is going on here???) The teasers show a whole new cast. Which makes me sad. It makes me more than sad. It breaks my heart actually. It breaks my heart into a million teeny-tiny pieces. You mean to tell me, that this new season is devoid of Ish? And Big Dane? And, and Alex? And, and, and Danny? I just, I just... *Sob*. I do not know what to do with this information. I mean, I love me some Xzibit and I'll probably follow him to the ends of the earth because he has some of the best one-liners and dead pans I have ever witnessed. But the thing is I loved the cast at West Coast Customs too. Alex hung chandelier parts off his chin spikes. That's some funny crap right there man.

I mean, I guess I get that the show decided to follow Mad Mike to the new garage or whatever, but he was probably in the bottom three on my list of favorites in the crew. Because did I mention Ish? And Big Dane? And, and Alex? And, and, and Danny? Those guys were awesome. They made me happy. Ish with his broken English, Alex with his chin spikes and picking on Danny, and Danny taking shuttlecocks to the huevos and Big Dane being Big Dane. They were great. They put a smile on my face and now they are gone, banished to reruns, from which they may never return. And Fighting Nun has twice denounced the procurement of Pimp My Ride DVDs, so I have no idea what I'm gonna do to get my fix.

And based on the trailers for the upcoming season, the new crew looks like a bunch of preening assholes. Your cockiness does not impress me dudes. You're gonna have to be funny, and ridiculous, and silly if you want to gain my love and respect. Danny did a take-off of that Mitsubishi Car Commercial with the dancing and the Dirty Vegas song, complete with ridiculous pink cap and scarf to win my affections. What are you gonna do for me? Huh, huh, huh??? Is this cast and crew willing to look like big dorks to win me over? I think not. Which saddens me. X to Z can only take it so far with the funny one liners and the eyebrow pops of confusion and the cracking up wildly on camera. The new cast has to bring it, with funny costumes, and completely over the top sight gags, and just the general tom-foolery, which I don't think is gonna happen. Which depresses me.

Once I saw the trailer a second time, I turned off the TV, thoroughly depressed in what I just saw. My heart just couldn't take it anymore. Watching old episodes of what is never to be again? I just, I couldn't take it. Pimp My Ride, why have you forsaken my West Coast Customs crew needs? Why would you do this to me?

Now if you all will excuse me, I'm gonna go sit in a corner and cry.