Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Stop the Simon Cowell Pandemic

So I realize I'm about a season too late to jump on the bandwagon, if there is a bandwagon to jump on, but Hell's Kitchen? I kinda love it you guys. I kind of knew about it last summer, but I guess I never watched it. Last night, as I was trying to find something to entertain me in between innings, I found Hell's Kitchen. And. It. Is. Awesome. At first I couldn't really care. The main chef guy? Was grading how they cut meat. Grading. How. They. Cut. Meat. Snore. But then I turned it back for the Dinner Service, which was probably the best thing ever. "You, Mophead! What're you doing?" and "They're all a bunch of muppets." had Fighting Nun and I affecting a snooty English tone and repeating the phrases over and over again.

But it got me thinking. What the hell is with the influx of British Assholes invading my TV? First it was Simon Cowell. Which, with the first seasons of American Idol, was easy enough to avoid, but then he started producing every freaking thing and then it's like all the sudden it snooty Brit with, and I'm sure this is on some casting sheet somewhere, "biting wit" and a penchant for telling people they suck suddenly became a hot commodity. How the hell did this happen? It's not like us Americans don't have ready supply of jerkwads willing to insult people. I mean attending any sports event in an arena will tell you that we have plenty. And I mean plenty. And it's not like England is just overrun with snooty assholes, I'm sure they have their share, but I've watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Professor Giles was cool. Anthony Stewart Head, in all his incarnations, from the guy who made Taster's Choice kinda sexy to the Awesome Giles, is not an Asshole. There have to be more of 'em where he came from.

So what's with the influx of British Ragewads on my TV? Really? I'm dying to know. I mean, I can think of a handful of them right now. Simon, the snooty guy on American Inventor, the other snooty guy on So You Think You Can Dance.There's a snooty, but slightly hot, but still very snooty guy on America's Next Top Model. I think there was even a snooty guy on Dancing with The Stars, but I can't totally recall because I could only watch it for like two minutes before my eyes threatened to explode. The funny part is that, with exception of this guy on Hell's Kitchen, none of them are really all that entertaining. It they were more like they guy on Hell's Kitchen, I might give "America's Got Top Dance Idol" or whatever the hell a chance. But I'm telling you, if the next show involving a panel has another Damned Snooty English Asshole, I'm going to go postal.

I'm calling this trend, or what I really think happens to be a pandemic, The Simon Cowell Pandemic or SCP for short.

Won't you please put a stop to the pandemic? Won't you think of the children???


FightingNun said...

Why don't you just quit now and go back to buetican school!

I think this guy is really mike myers with a mask on!

The Bloody Munchkin said...

Well, it would explain why Mike Myers has dropped off the radar lately...